Never leave me behind
by Emme019
Summary: What if Johanna did pass the test to go on that mission to the Capitol in 'Mockingjay'. Would it have made a difference?
1. Chapter 1

As soon as I enter the room, a large body slams into mine and is obviously trying to suffocate me with very tight hugs.

"Alright, alright, that's enough," I mutter.

Finnick retreats but keeps his hands on my shoulders as he watches me with a large grin spread across his face. "I knew it!" he exclaims enthusiastically while picking me up and swinging me around.

"Yeah, you knew it. Genius," I reply sarcastically even though I am feeling the same excitement he is feeling. "Now put me down."

"Oh, don't be like that Johanna. Just admit, for this one time, that you are happy with this."

"With what?" I ask, playing dumb. "Oh, with going to the Capitol to _try_ to kill Snow. Well, if we don't get killed first that is."

Finnick plants a wet and sloppy kiss on my cheek before going back to the table where everyone is staring at us.

I roll my eyes at them. "As if you all didn't already know he was mentally a bit off."

"Hey!" Finnick calls out in so-called offence.

Gale interrupts my friendly banter with my best friend. "Why didn't they cut your hair?"

I arch an eyebrow. "Seriously? What hair? It's not like I have much left to be cut. And apparently they agreed. They said it would make me more like myself again if I left it like this."

I gently feel my hair. It's not as short anymore, which I'm secretly very happy for, and the scars can be covered by my new hair now. Plus, it's very soft. I feel like a bunny.

Gale just shrugs, not really interested in my hairstyle anymore.

"So," I suddenly say after a minute of silence. "What's the plan?"

All eyes turn from the table or the wall to me. "We still have to wait for others," Finnick fills me in.

"Oh," is all I say.

We wait in silence for a few minutes and eventually Katniss walks in as well and she smiles at us.

"See," I say, "she could keep her hair like that as well! It's no biggie, Hawthorne."

"Oh, Johanna! You're here too, great!" Katness exclaims happily.

I scoff. "You say it like it's a surprise."

"No! I'm just…happy. Glad to know you have my back."

I stand up and walk over to Finnick's chair where I put my hands on his shoulders. "Please, Kitty-kat. I'm only here to have Finnick's back."

"Uh, excuse me, miss Mason," Finnick interrupts. "I'll have you know I won my Hunger Games at the young age of fourteen! You were seventeen when you won yours."

"And I'll have you know that most of the kids in your Games were younger than you were. Plus the career-pack were total pussies."

"Oh, right! Well in that case I am very happy you will be there to have my back. What would I do without you?" Finnick says with a very obvious eye-roll.

"Die," I simply say.

Finnick grins. "The only man who will die on that mission is Snow."

"Boom," I grin back.

"No!" someone interrupts us. It's Coin. "President Snow will not be harmed. He will be taken captive."

She suddenly turns her attention towards Finnick and me. "And you two, please try to act like grown-ups. I can see that this is very hard for you but you will try or I will have you removed from this mission."

"What did we do?!" Finnick asks indignantly.

I smack Finnick on the head and get back to my own chair. "Just give the lady what she wants, Finn."

"Katniss is here," I say to Coin. "Can we start the meeting or whatever this is now? I'm bored."

Coin sighs and takes a step back, making room for Plutarch who will obviously give a speech about our mission. He pushes a button and a holographic image appears.

"You should know that the Capitol is a dangerous place, especially for us rebels. There are booby-traps everywhere. This, for example, is the area surrounding one of the Peacekeepers' barracks. Not unimportant, but not the most crucial of targets, and yet look."

Plutarch taps a few times on a keyboard, and lights begin to flash in a variety of colors.

"Each light is called a pod. It represents a different obstacle, the nature of which could be anything from a bomb to a band of mutts. Make no mistake, whatever it contains is designed to either trap or kill you. Some have been in place since the Dark Days, others developed over the years. To be honest, I created a fair number myself. This program, which one of our people absconded with when we left the Capitol, is our most recent information. They don't know we have it. But even so, it's likely that new pods have been activated in the last few months. This is what you will face."

Katniss takes a step towards the holograph and cups her hand around a green light. I glance at Finnick and see he's tensed up. We're clearly all thinking the exact same thing: this is just another Hunger Games.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Finnick starts whispering, but Katniss finishes his line with a booming voice. "Let the seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!"

I let out a loud sigh. "No need to be so dramatic about it! We survived two Games already, we'll survive this one too."

Finnick turns around, suddenly angry. "Have you taken a good look at this, Johanna? This is like five arenas combined!"

I stay silent because I know whatever I say, it'll only make him more upset. I'll talk to him tonight, when he's calmed down.

"I don't even know why you bothered to put Finnick, Johanna and me through training, Plutarch," Katniss says.

Finnick jumps in immediately, trying to mask his sudden anger. "Yeah, we're already the three best-equipped soldiers you have."

Plutarch continues his presentation and I have to hold in my laughter when I see Katniss desperately feigning interest and concentration. She can pretend all she want, I don't do pretending. Plutarch knows I'm not listening but apparently he doesn't care. He's more concerned about the Mockingjay than about silly old Johanna Mason.

After the presentation, I follow Finnick and Katniss outside.

"What will I tell Annie?" I hear Finnick ask Katniss.

"Nothing," she responds. "That's what my mother and sister will be hearing from me."

"If she sees that holograph—" he begins.

"She won't. It's classified information. It must be. Anyway, it's not like an actual Games. Any number of people will survive. We're just overreacting because—well, you know why. You still want to go, don't you?"

"Of course. I want to destroy Snow as much as you do," he says.

"It won't be like the others," Katniss says firmly.

"Why not?"

"This time Snow will be a player, too."

Suddenly I trip over my feet and curse under my breath. Both Finnick and Katniss turn around and I see Finnick's cheeks redden in embarrassment.

"Yes, I'm still here. But you know, continue your conversation," I say with a dismissive wave of my hand. "It's not like I can join you two and think about what I'll say to my loved ones."

"Johanna…" he starts but I cut him off.

"Whatever," I say. I push them aside and almost run towards the stairs.

When I'm finally above the ground and surrounded by the trees I let the tears fall down my cheeks. It's very unlike me to be crying like this but the torture in the Capitol made me weaker than ever, not to mention the Morphling. But I am crying. While I was away, Finnick and Katniss got closer. I know my thoughts are ridiculous but I can't help but thinking Katniss replaced me as Finnick's best friend.

"Are you okay?"

I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear his voice. He puts his arm around my shoulder but I shake him off. "Not now, Finnick."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I said: not now!"

"Why won't you just talk to me and tell me what's wrong? We used to tell each other everything."

He's not using an accusing tone but it makes me snap.

"Yes we used to tell each other everything but it looks like you found someone else to tell everything!"

He looks confused for a moment before it dawns on him. "You mean Katniss?"

I just glare at him. And suddenly he starts laughing.

"Oh Jo, you have nothing to worry about. Katniss has enough boys already, she doesn't need me. Besides, I'd probably be too much for her."

"Oh come on Finnick! If you could see the two of you from the outside-"

"Johanna, she's – "

"No! I am your best friend. It's all I am. I'm not a daughter anymore. I'm not a sister anymore. I'm not someone's lover anymore, not someone's prostitute. But I am your best friend. It's all I am!"

"I know that – " he interrupts but once again I cut him off.

"Let me finish! I was freaking out during that test. They flooded the streets and I was freaking out and about to go crazy and you know what kept me sane? You know why I passed that test?" I ask.

Finnick is clearly contemplating whether he should give an answer or just wait until I start talking again.

"You! Knowing that you needed me to have your back out there in the Capitol, knowing that you'd have my back as well. That's what kept me sane. You're right, it will be like five arenas combined which is why we need each other! We survived our first Hunger Games because we were the strongest and smartest compared to twenty-three other kids. _Kids_! But we only survived the Quarter Quell because we had each other! And you can talk to Katniss all you want and you can hang out with her and have fun with her and share all your little secrets with her but she will _not_ have your back like I will!"

I'm panting a little when I finish my speech. I didn't intend to say all those things, they just came out of my mouth before I could even register what I was actually saying.

Finnick is looking at me with wide eyes. "I don't think I've ever heard you give a speech like that."

"Yeah, well…" I say uncomfortably. I really wish he'd say something else.

"But," he starts and there a spark of hope in my chest. "Like I said, Katniss is not your replacement. And I am very, very grateful that you are going to the Capitol with me, even though you are acting like my babysitter."

I'm still not fully convinced but I don't say anything.

"Look," he says, putting his arm around my shoulder again, leading me back. "I know you're scared. I'm scared too, okay?"

I want to protest and say that I'm not scared at all, that I want to go and kill Snow and make them pay for everything they did to us. But I know he's right.

"I just want to go home, Finnick," I say in a tired voice.

"Me too."

"No, I don't mean District 7, I mean the Capitol."

He stops and looks at me like I have just said the most shocking thing.

"I have no one in 7 anymore," I clarify. "Now that Blight's dead, I have no one. And however awful the Capitol was, it was my home for a few months in a year. And I wasn't alone. That's where I want to go back to."

A sad looks spreads across Finnick's face. "You know we can't go back to that place you just described. Too many people are dead. It won't feel like home anymore."

I put my arms around his neck and bury my face in the crook of his neck.

"Let's just go to the Capitol, kill Snow and then you can find or build a new home. Okay?" he says while hugging me back.

"Okay," I whisper.


	2. Chapter 2

"Johanna wait!"

Finnick and I are just going back to our rooms when we hear Beetee's voice booming through the hallway, followed by quick footsteps and a panting breath.

I turn around to see what he wants and at the sight of what's in his hand a wicked smile spreads across my face.

"I get one too?" I ask in awe.

"Wow," Finnick breathes next to my ear when he's come to take a look at my present as well.

"What does it do?" I ask, tentatively fingering the blade of my new ax. Both the head and the handle are silvery black and it looks more deadly than any ax I've ever seen.

"Well, most importantly it comes back after you've thrown it with just one push on a button that will be on your wrist," Beetee starts explaining.

"Just like my trident!" Finnick exclaims excitedly.

"Yes," Beetee continues. "You also don't need to sharpen it, it does that automatically. And the most useful feature in combat is the fact that you can charge it with electricity."

Beetee has a victorious smile plastered on his face but I can't help but be in shock. Charging with electricity reminds me too much of a certain experience I have been trying to ban from my head since I got here.

"Johanna?" Finnick asks in a soft voice while putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Charge with electricity? Why?" I ask Beetee.

I can see he's nervous but also confident. "Look, I know what you think. You were tortured with electric shocks and it was awful, right?"

"Right," I manage to get out. I desperately try to block out the images of my torture and keep the flashbacks away. Finnick's hand on my shoulder helps me stay in reality.

"Well, now you can give them a piece of their own medicine! What do you think?"

I keep staring at the ax in Beetee's hand and suddenly my own hand grabs the handle. It feels…_right_. Good. And Beetee is right, they tortured me by shocking me, now I'll be the one shocking them.

"Beetee you are a genius. Thank you!"

I give him a quick hug before turning my attention back to my newest toy.

"We should go try it out, don't you think?"

I can hear Finnick try to keep the excitement out of his voice but he fails miserably. I look up an grin at him. "We should."

We run up the stairs as fast as we can until we're back where we just came from. As soon as I spot a large tree I swing my ax at it. There was a knot in the trunk I aimed for and that's exactly where my ax buries itself.

"Nice shot," Finnick says approvingly.

I'm beaming with pride.

"Now try charging it."

I turn around and arch my eyebrow. "Yes, sir. Anything else?"

Finnick laughs. "I'm sorry. Johanna, I really want to see what happens if you charge that very special ax of yours. Could you please show me? Better?"

I push the button on my wristband and the ax flings back into my hand.

"Wicked," I whisper.

I push another button and feel the handle vibrate slightly in my hand. I throw it back towards the tree and it lands in the exact same spot, only now the tree makes a crackling noise. I clench my fists together and bite my teeth really hard to stay in reality.

"Just focus on what Beetee said," Finnick says softly.

"I'm trying," I answer through clenched teeth.

I take a few deep breaths and before I push the button to make my ax come back I notice another button.

"I wonder what that's for…"

"Just push it, you'll see what it's for," Finnick says with a hint of a smile in his voice.

I do as I'm told and the tree just explodes in front of me.

I stare in shock at the remnants of what used to be a old large tree before I start laughing.

"That is without a doubt the most awesome thing I have ever seen!" I say, still laughing.

"Told you!"

"Go get Katniss! She should see this!"

"Oh no Johanna, am I being replaced by Katniss?!"

I just roll my eyes at him. Oh yes, we're still good.

A few minutes later Finnick comes back with both Katniss and Gale.

"Check this out," I simply say before throwing my ax at another tree.

I push the button again and the tree explodes. When I turn around proudly I see Katniss looking at the burning pile in shock.

"Well, Katniss sure wasn't lying when she said no one throws an ax like you do," Gale suddenly says.

I'm a bit taken aback by his compliment since he's not easily impressed but instead of thanking him I just say,

"Yeah well, when your life depends on it you better hit the target, right?"

"You should take it with you now to practice on the peacekeeper dummies," Katniss suggests.

"Yeah, good idea. Maybe it goes through the peacekeeper uniforms, who knows."

I summon my ax with one last push on the button and follow Katniss, Gale and Finnick to the practice court.

I have to train with a rifle for most of the time since I'm not really the best shooter in our squad but I'm determined to get better and better. Katniss blames the ax for my excitement and sudden willpower, and she's damn right.

Suddenly Plutarch calls us together and the four of us look warily before walking over to where Plutarch stands. The other members of our squad join us but don't look as guarded as us.

"Squad Four-Five-One, you have been selected for a special mission," Plutarch begins. "We have numerous sharpshooters, but rather a dearth of camera crews. Therefore, we've handpicked the nine of you to be what we call our 'Star Squad.' You will be the on-screen faces of the invasion."

The other part of our squad just nods at what Plutarch has just said but we all stay silent while trying to process it.

Gale is the first one to break the silence. "What you're saying is, we won't be in actual combat?"

"You will be in combat, but perhaps not always on the front line. If one can even isolate a front line in this type of war," Plutarch says defensively.

"None of us wants that. We're going to fight. We -"

Before Finnick can finish is sentence I fling myself at Plutarch, grabbing his collar as tightly as I can.

"Do you really think," I begin, my voice dangerously low, "that I quit Morphling, that I tormented myself every day to train for this mission, that I had to overcome my trauma much faster than a normal person would have, so I could be your little celebrity in war? Your pretty Victor on the sideline? These aren't the Games, Plutarch! You can't just dress us up for an interview and make the crowd love us anymore. THESE AREN'T THE FUCKING GAMES ANYMORE! DO YOU HEAR ME? THESE. AREN'T. THE. GAMES. ANYMORE."

I punch him as hard as I can wherever I can before others have to peel me off him, but somehow I manage to throw Finnick and Gale off me myself and push the button on my wrist.

With the ax now in my hand, everyone seems to be frozen on the spot.

"Plutarch, I swear, give us a chance to fight _for real_ or I'll give everyone here a front-row ticket to my first throw at a real, human Capitolian. And guess what, I'll even give them fireworks. It's your choice."

Before Plutarch can make his choice my ax is taken from my hand. I turn around furiously only to find myself toe to toe with Boggs.

"Soldier Mason," he barks. "Keep it together."

"Wh-?!"

"Johanna!" Finnick ways, his tone warning.

I let out a terribly long sigh. "Fine. Whatever. Keep us on the sideline. But don't be surprised when you lose the war because you made the wrong choice because _this_, Plutarch, is the wrong choice."

I take my ax back calmly before turning around and walking away. It takes every strength I have in me to just walk away, but I'm doing it. I'm walking away. Calmly.

My arm swings back, there's a bang and another tree goes up in flames. So much for my newfound joy.


	3. Chapter 3

"She's crazy, Odair! I can't believe you want her on that mission so badly!"

"She's not crazy, it's just who she is."

"Well, then I don't like who she is."

"I'm sure she feels the same way about you."

There's a pause in Gale and Finnick's conversation and I'm wondering if I should burst in and reveal I've been eavesdropping all along now or wait for them to continue. But Gale starts speaking again and I decide to wait a little longer.

"She's not mentally stable enough to come with us. I don't want her threatening someone every time she doesn't get what she wants."

"Hey, when she threatened Plutarch she did it for all of us!"

I smile at how defensive Finnick is getting. Gale better watch out.

"Doesn't matter who she did it for! She's crazy, I don't want crazy in my squad."

"Your squad, right."

"Oh what, you're giving me the we-are-Victors-so-it's-our-squad again?"

"No, he's not," I say when I finally walk through the door.

Gale is standing straight up but his hands are balled into fists. Finnick is leaning over the table towards Gale, his hands firmly planted on the table for support. I suppose I chose a good time to enter, since it looks like it wouldn't have taken them long to start fighting with fists instead of words.

"Of course you were eavesdropping!" Gale says, throwing his hands in the air.

"Yes, of course I was. Anyway, I'm not crazy and I will be in _your_ squad so you better suck it up or the next person I'm threatening will be you."

"Actually you are already threatening me."

"Whatever, just suck it up."

Gale crosses his arms defiantly. "And what if I won't just suck it up?"

I smirk. "Then you won't have nearly as much fun as I will."

Gale just shakes his head and leaves.

"I'm surprised he didn't slam the door," I mutter.

"He's an ass."

I burst out in laughter at Finnick's words. "Since when do you call someone 'an ass'? I'm the rude one, you're supposed to be the nice one."

"He called you crazy," he says as if that's reason enough.

"Yeah, well, I am crazy, sort of, so he wasn't really lying, was he?"

Finnick leaves his spot at the table and starts pacing around the room. "We could use some crazy in our squad. Have you seen how boring they all are? That woman, Jackson, seems unable to smile at anyone, Boggs favors Katniss, Homes and Mitchell don't say a word except to each other, those twisted Leeg sisters freak me out and Katniss is on the verge of neurotic."

"And don't forget Gale, who is an ass," I add smilingly.

He smiles back. "I figured that was a given."

"It kinda was," I admit. "So we go to the Capitol tomorrow."

His face looks suddenly grave and sad. "Yeah…"

"You don't want to go anymore?" I ask, confusion probably all over my face.

"I do!" he quickly says. "It's just… Annie."

I walk over to my best friend and take his hands in mine. "She'll be fine. She's safe here, no one can hurt her here and we are going to the Capitol to make sure no one will ever hurt her again."

He looks deeply into my eyes, as if all the truth of the world lies in them, and then he hugs me with one arm.

"You're right," he says. "When did you become so wise?"

I chuckle lightly. "There is a lot of undiscovered wisdom is craziness."

After that Finnick goes to spend some time with Annie and I go to my room to lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I have no idea what this mission will bring but I am sure as hell going to fight. Plutarch can film some pebbles for all I care but I _will_ fight.

The next morning I'm the first one ready to get on the hovercraft. Everyone else is still saying goodbye but as I have no one to say goodbye to, except for Haymitch who is still asleep, I'm the first one here, waiting for the rest to join me.

Exactly forty-three minutes later we are all set to go. Inside the hovercraft I see Katniss avoiding everyone's eyes, and Finnick chewing his bottom lip every now and then while tying knots in his little rope.

After a time which was way shorter than I expected, we start landing.

"We're landing in District 12. We'll move from there," Boggs explains to the rest of us who clearly didn't have a clue as to where we were headed.

We get out and are stacked in a cargo car with dozens of others. Boggs arranged for Gale, Katniss, Finnick and me to sit in the same car while he and the others are in the car following ours.

I'm packed between two very broad-shouldered soldiers and Finnick, who is facing me, raises his eyebrows suggestively while flicking his eyes between the two men next to me and me. I sigh loudly and make several heads turn but Finnick gets the message. Somehow he still hasn't given up on trying to set me up with someone.

We drive and drive and drive and the road is terribly bumpy at times which makes me sick to my stomach – and it's not just me according to the several pale or green faces I see.

"So," the guy to my left suddenly says. "You're Johanna Mason. I'm Brett Tully."

He holds out his hand for me to shake it but the drive has made me crankier than usual so I give him a sour look.

"Okay then," Brett continues. "So are you excited about going to the Capitol to fight? Because I am. They deserve it. I mean, all those…"

"Do I look like a freaking people person to you?" I snap.

Brett looks taken aback by my sudden outburst of sarcasm while Finnick and Katniss are chuckling without even bothering to keep it silent. "No, ma'am. You sure don't," a blushing Brett says.

"Then don't talk to me."

"No ma'am."

"And stop calling me ma'am. I'm not a ma'am!"

"Okay ma'am. I mean, Johanna."

"Did I say you could call me Johanna?"

"No…"

"No indeed. I told you to shut up, why are you not shutting up?"

"Because you keep asking me questions."

I grunt loudly. "Finnick, switch places with Mr Talkative here."

"No I'm fine where I am," he says between snickers.

"What? No, you're not fine where you are. Switch. Places!"

"And give up my front-row ticket? No thanks."

I sigh and close my eyes. "Fine. I can handle it."

"You know," Brett starts tentatively. "It's not because you look that angry you always have to be that angry. Can't you ever be nice to people?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "I am nice to people when they leave me the fuck alone! What do you want from me anyway?!"

"I just want to have a little conversation!"

"And you can have little conversations but with someone else!"

"Why? I want to have a conversation with you. I mean, you're sitting next to me, our arms are constantly touching and you can't seem to shut up either. Everything happens for a reason, right?"

I arch my eyebrow. "And sometimes things happen because this car is stacked with people and there's no room to move or even breathe and I was stupid enough to sit here instead of somewhere else."

Brett says nothing but keeps looking at me with this weird look in his eyes.

"Now what?" I almost yell.

"This conversation didn't turn out the way I imagined it to but I think I like you."

I can practically feel everyone's eyes burning holes in my skull.

"Okay, enough. I'm going to need you to turn down your stupid a notch, Sir Flirt-a-lot!"

Suddenly, Katniss' voice fills the car. "Maybe you should just make out with him, Johanna. Seems to be the only way to put an end to this."

"Yeah, put yourself out of this misery!" Gale pipes in.

A few other soldiers begin cheering and just as I'm about to hit my boiling point Finnick steps in and saves the day.

"Just let her off the hook, people."

"Finnick Odair," Brett says with a smile while shaking his head. "Panem's biggest playboy is opposed to a little make out session. The world really is going up in flames."

Finnick's expression falters simultaneously with mine.

"The only world going up in flames today is yours, Brett. Stop the car!" I yell to the chauffeur who immediately pulls over.

"Get out," I simply tell Brett.

"What?"

"Get out. Now!"

"Fine, whatever. You Victors are nuts," he mumbles angrily.

When Brett's in the other car Finnick comes to sit next to me and takes my hand in his. Both Katniss and Gale smile apologetically at us but the others just look as if they agree with Brett: we Victors are nuts. And here we were, thinking the Capitol had nothing against us anymore. But if even District 13 still thinks of me as a batshit crazy person and of Finnick as a playboy, then I don't know if we'll ever be entirely free from the Capitol. No matter what we do or what we stand up for, in everyone else's eyes we are still just celebrities who don't know anything about the real world anymore because we've spent years lying in the Capitol's big fluffy king-size beds, sipping wine more expensive than anything common people have ever owned. We are just famous Victors in their eyes. Not rebels, not soldiers, not fighters. Nothing. When you're not the Mockingjay, you're just one of Plutarch's stars.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of our journey to the Capitol goes without anyone trying to hit on me and Finnick never leaves my side. It'd almost be annoying if he weren't my best friend and I really appreciate his company.

When we are finally in the Capitol, we have to stay in tents and shoot stuff to look good on camera and to trick the Capitol into thinking we have no idea what we're doing. And one morning, we really don't know what we are doing as one of the Leeg sisters, I don't know which one, hits a target and dies. I should be in shock like the rest of our group but I can't. I've seen too many people die like this. So I'm the one to contact Plutarch and ask what to do. He says he'll send a replacement.

The next morning, the replacement arrives and I have never seen people display so many emotions because of one person.

"This can't be true. I'm calling Plutarch," Boggs mutters and turns around to make a call.

"It won't matter," Peeta calls after him. "The president assigned me herself. She decided the propos needed some heating up."

"Well in that case," I say walking over to Peeta and hugging him. "Welcome to the team, Peetes!"

There is no one else to follow my example but I didn't really expect that and neither did Peeta.

Boggs comes back, looking angrier than I've ever seen him. He looks a bit like Haymitch when he's mad. He and his sidekick, Jackson, set up a system so Peeta is guarded 24/7.

"Is that really necessary?" I ask them.

"Yes, it is necessary, soldier Mason."

"But if 13 thinks he's ready then…"

"Soldier Mason! 13 doesn't think he's ready, President Coin does. And I think she made a lapse of judgment."

"Well I think he is ready!" I object.

"No one here asked for your opinion," Gale says in a low voice. He really does hate crazy people, doesn't he. It makes sense in a way, since Peeta is – was – Gale's biggest competition in the race for Katniss.

"And has that ever stopped me before?" I answer arrogantly. "And for the record, I don't recall Finnick asking your opinion about me joining the team but you gave it anyway so I guess the pot is just calling the kettle black here."

When Boggs asks to talk to Katniss in private, Gale and I shut up. I'm pretty sure they are going to gossip about Peeta and frankly I don't like it. The boy has been through enough so I decide to lend him a hand.

"Need help setting up your tent," I ask him.

He nods and smiles appreciatively. "Thanks."

"No problem."

While I'm helping Peeta Finnick is consoling the other Leeg sister who just had a meltdown and Gale is watching Peeta and me very closely. In the meantime, Jackson is setting up the rotation of guarding Peeta.

"Be sure to put me and Johanna together," Finnick tells her.

She shakes her head. "Not a chance."

"What?!" I yell in surprise. Why wouldn't she put us together?

"You," she points at me. "are too close to Mellark and Odair here is too loyal to you. Not safe."

"That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard!" Finnick objects.

"No she's right," we hear Boggs' voice say. "Katniss isn't on the rotation either."

Now it's Katniss' turn to be surprised. "Why not?"

"I'm not sure you could really shoot Peeta, if it came to it," Jackson explains.

Katniss objects too but not in a way I expected her to. "I wouldn't be shooting Peeta. He's gone. Johanna's right. It'd be just like shooting another of the Capitol's mutts."

"_Johanna's right_? What is that supposed to mean?" I ask her.

When Katniss speaks she doesn't sound very confident anymore. "Well, you said that back in 13…"

I throw my hands up in annoyance. "Yes but that's a long time ago. Peeta is better now!"

"Is he really?" one of those two men, I think Homes, asks me.

"What is wrong with you people?!"

"Anyway," Jackson interrupts us. "Everdeen, the fact that you called Mellark a mutt isn't really recommending you for the job either."

"Put her in the rotation," Boggs orders her nonetheless.

She lets out an almost inaudible sigh. "Fine. Midnight to four. You're on with me."

A whistle announces dinner time and I drop the Peeta subject for a moment only to bring it up once we're eating silently in a circle.

"I want Haymitch on the phone," I announce.

Several heads turn my way but I just repeat myself.

"Why?" Finnick asks me.

"Because clearly no one wants to listen to me."

"You mean about Peeta?" Gale says.

"You know I'm sitting right here…" Peeta silently says.

"We know!" Gale almost shouts.

Before I can say something back or worse, Finnick beats me to it. "Hey! Let's all just calm down and get Haymitch on the phone for Johanna. It's obviously important to her."

Boggs takes a fancy looking phone out of his tent and dials a very short sequence of numbers and sends Mitchell away with Peeta. When Haymitch picks up, he immediately cuts to the chase.

"What are you trying to do? Provoke him into an attack?" Haymitch's voice booms through the speakers. Our whole squad can hear him but it's obvious he's talking to Katniss.

"Of course not. I just want him to leave me alone," Katniss says, a statement at which I roll my eyes.

"Well, he can't. Not after what the Capitol put him through. Look, Coin may have sent him there hoping he'd kill you, but Peeta doesn't know that. He doesn't understand what's happened to him. So you can't blame him—"

"I don't!" she yells.

I can't help myself. "You do!"

"Johanna is right, you do! You're punishing him over and over for things that are out of his control. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a fully loaded weapon next to you round the clock. But I think it's time you flipped this little scenario around in your head. If you'd been taken by the Capitol, and hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you?"

Katniss stays silent for a minute, taking in what Haymitch just said. I was right, Haymitch could get through to her whereas I couldn't.

"You and me, we made a deal to try and save him. Remember?" Haymitch says when Katniss doesn't say anything anymore. "Try and remember," he finishes.

"See!" I say. "I knew Haymitch agreed with me."

"Not everything is about you, Johanna!" Gale suddenly says. He hadn't said a word or made a noise the entire phone call but now he suddenly speaks up.

"What do you mean _about me_? I'm defending Peeta because he can't defend himself since you all think he's crazy and don't believe him!"

"Why are you even defending him?! You don't know him!"

For some reason, this line gets me over the edge. I might not get along very well with Gale but things like this make me hate him.

"I know him better than you think. The real question here is why aren't you defending him? He's from District 12, someone from your _home_! Are you really that desperate to get into Katniss' panties that you would try to eliminate the competition by getting them locked up in a mental hospital for being crazy?" I spit back.

By the time I'm finished Mitchell and Peeta have come back and Peeta stares at me but I don't really pay much attention to it. I need to find a place to calm down, get away from Gale. I really don't understand why he's so against me and Peeta but he is and I will find out why, or else Finnick will find out for me.

I turn around and go for a walk to clear my head but not more than five minutes later I get company from Katniss.

"You shouldn't be this hard on Gale," she says.

"I'm sorry Katniss but my loyalty lies with Peeta," I simply respond.

"But why?! He's dangerous and crazy!"

Well she's obviously already over the guilt-trip Haymitch sent her on.

"He was tortured! Was I the same Johanna when I got back from the Capitol?"

She shakes her head a little at the memory of me lying in a hospital bed, constantly stealing her Morphling.

"No I wasn't," I say. "I was crazy too but no matter how crazy I was, no matter what harsh things I said to people, Finnick and Haymitch were still there. You should've been there for Peeta. It's not his fault. I was there when they injected the tracker jacker venom, I heard his screams and let me tell you this Katniss: if you hear someone scream like that and know he hears your screams as well, it doesn't matter how well you know each other. All you know is that you're in the same boat and all you want is for everything to stop. So yes, my loyalty lies with Peeta. He's my friend," I conclude.

She stays silent for a minute but then speaks up again. "I just feel like it's my fault."

I sigh. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you, in a way it is your fault. The fact that Annie was in the Capitol was Finnick's fault. But it's not something you could've changed so why keep sulking about it?"

A light chuckle escapes her mouth. "That's not really helping. I still feel guilty."

"But it wasn't your fault that I was there so that should make you feel better, no?"

"Whose fault was that?"

"That I was there? Entirely my own fault. They got Peeta for you, Annie for Finnick, and me for information," I reply casually.

"How can you talk about it so calmly when you were hooked onto a Morphling drip just weeks ago and freaked out as soon as someone said 'Capitol'?"

"Because back in my tent I have a weapon with which I'll make them pay for what they did to me. You should make them pay for what they did to Peeta because let's face it, that's way worse than what they've done to you."


	5. Chapter 5

When night falls and my shift from eight to midnight begins, Finnick stays awake with me even though I'm paired up with the Leeg sister. After an hour and a half, she realizes Finnick isn't going to bed so she shrugs and decides to crawl into her tent and sleep.

Peeta is lying on his side with his back to me and Finnick and I assume he's asleep.

"Do you think I overreacted?" I ask Finnick.

He immediately knows I'm referring to my outburst to Gale earlier today.

"No," he whispers back. "You stood up for someone who deserved it."

I nod and stay silent for a few seconds before I speak again. "He's just alone."

"You do know how weird that sounds coming out of your mouth, right?"

"I just… He just shouldn't be alone, not after what he's been through."

Finnick puts his arm around my shoulder. "I know."

We just listen to the silence of the night, both lost in our own thoughts. My eyelids flutter closed but when Peeta turns around I'm wide awake again.

"I can't sleep," he informs Finnick and me. "I have nightmares."

"Me too," I admit.

Finnick fumbles in the pocket of his sweater and gives Peeta the little rope he's always carrying with him.

"What is this for?" Peeta asks.

"To tie knots. Keeps you distracted."

"Oh. Thanks."

We all fall back into a comfortable silence and just when I'm about to doze off again, it's midnight and Jackson and Katniss get up to take our places.

Finnick and I don't crawl into our tents, instead we take out our sleeping bags and make ourselves comfortable on the ground. The warmth of the heater doesn't reach the tents so it's too cold in there and we both feel much more comfortable when we can see everything around us. A tent makes that impossible, makes you feel even more alone, isolated from the rest of the world.

A couple of minutes ago I was falling asleep but now I'm wide awake. It seems as if everyone is suddenly wide awake. Maybe because no one trusts Katniss with Peeta. She did call him a mutt not too long ago. Suddenly, Peeta starts speaking loud and clear, as if he too knows everyone is awake and watching him.

"These last couple of years must have been exhausting for you. Trying to decide whether to kill me or not. Back and forth. Back and forth."

I shift a bit so I have a better view of both Katniss and Peeta. I want to see how she will react to what he has to say.

"I never wanted to kill you. Except when I thought you were helping the Careers kill me. After that, I always thought of you as…an ally," she answers cautiously.

Come on, _ally_? Really? She could've done better than that.

"Ally." Peeta repeats the word Katniss used. It obvious he's thinking the same thing I am. "Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancée. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I'll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out. The problem is, I can't tell what's real anymore, and what's made up."

This reminds me of someone…

"Then you should ask, Peeta. That's what Annie does," Finnick says.

"Ask who? Who can I trust?" Peeta asks.

Before Finnick and I can even respond, Jackson answers for all of us. "Well, us for starters. We're your squad."

I repress the urge to snort since I'm not entirely sure Gale can be trusted with regard to Peeta.

"You're my guards," Peeta points out.

"That, too," she says. "But you saved a lot of lives in 13. It's not the kind of thing we forget."

So they don't forget when someone saves lives of their own district but when that savior becomes a little too traumatized they suddenly want nothing to do with him.

Once again, everyone falls silent and most of our squad falls asleep, Finnick included, but I know for a fact that I won't be sleeping tonight. So I look up to the sky trying to find one tiny little star and when I don't find one, I start imagining them. It's been a while since I last saw stars. District 7 had nice stars but the most beautiful sky I've ever seen was on my Victory Tour in District 4. Maybe it's because of the sea, I don't know, but that sky was absolutely amazing.

I almost jump out of my skin when Peeta asks Katniss another question. I thought I was the only one still awake except for the two guards but clearly I was wrong.

"Your favorite color…it's green?" he asks.

"That's right. And yours is orange," she answers.

"Orange?"

"Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset. At least, that's what you told me once."

I'm pretty sure everyone's awake again but they are all trying so hard to fake sleep it's almost hilarious.

"Oh," Peeta finally says. "Thank you."

It looks like the conversation is over but Katniss is clearly on a roll since more descriptions of Peeta come rolling out of her mouth.

"You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." And before Peeta can say anything back she flees into her tent. Maybe it's all finally taking the best of her.

I prop myself up on one arm to look at Peeta. Confusion is all over his face. He probably thinks he had something to do with Katniss hiding in her tent.

"Before you draw something," I start and Peeta's head turns to look at me. "You always wipe the surface three times to make sure it's clean." It's something I noticed during the training for the Quarter Quell.

I'd love to say more about him but I don't know him as well as Katniss. All I know from Peeta has to do with the Quarter Quell and our tortures in the Capitol and I don't really like to remind him of that.

Before I roll over to at least try to rest, Peeta asks a question that baffles me more than all the other things he's said since he got here.

"Why was I in love with Katniss when you were around?"

I stay silent for a second, too much in shock to do or say anything, but then Finnick's laughter fills the air and I realize Peeta must be more confused than ever.

I start chuckling. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, you are practically the only one that has been nice to me since I got back from the Capitol, and you're not ugly. I mean, Katniss isn't ugly either but I don't see why I thought she was more special. And, like I said, you were nice and she wasn't."

What he's saying does make sense in a weird and traumatized way but I don't really know how to respond to that.

"_Not ugly_," Finnick whispers in between snickers. I kick my foot in an attempt to hit him but I miss his head by an inch.

"I wasn't always nice to you," I admit to Peeta.

"Why not?"

Oh man, I am really starting to hate his Q&A.

"Because I'm generally not a nice person. I wasn't nice to anyone."

"Except for him," Peeta says, nodding his head towards Finnick.

"He's my best friend."

"Yeah, that changes things," Finnick says. "This is how Johanna sees the world: me, and the rest of the world. And if you could only be nice to one of those, the choice is easily made, right?"

"You are so conceited!" I say in an astonished voice.

He flips his hair like a true Capitolian. "I know. But I'm adorable so I'm allowed to be conceited."

I burst out in a fit of laughter and some of our squad, like Jackson and even Gale, join me.

"Do you people ever shut up?" Boggs yells sleepily.

"Sorry Boggs," Finnick whispers and I have to hold my laughter at the sight of his, okay I admit, adorable face.

"I don't want to hear another word. Everyone go back to sleep, and if you can't sleep then at least pretend to be asleep. Understood?"

"Understood," Finnick and I say in unison before we lie down to 'pretend to be asleep'.


	6. Chapter 6

"Everyone get up. Now."

Boggs' voice booms through our camp. I hear some people shift as they get up but I stay as still as possible and so does Finnick, judging by the stillness at my feet.

Suddenly a weird smell attacks my nostrils and when I open my eyes I see toes much too close to my face.

"What the – "

"Boggs told us to get up," Gale says from above.

"I was going to! No need for you to push your damn smelly feet in my face! Go away!"

"Just wanted to see your reaction."

"Oh ha ha ha what a sense of humor you have there, Hawthorne. I'm dying of laughter."

He walks away from me towards Finnick. "Next," he says.

I smirk. "Yeah you do that. I've always wanted to see someone with a trident in his you-know-what."

Gale makes a face but plants his feet in front of Finnick's face nonetheless. Before he can even register what's happening, Finnick grabs Gale's ankles and yanks, making Gale fall onto his back on the ground.

"Told you," I say.

"Okay enough with the fun," Boggs interrupts. "You three and Katniss will shoot some propos. Go."

We do as we are told and we have fun shooting the propos because we get to shoot and let go of all our frustrations for a moment but soon we're bored and go back to camp. Once we get there, we notice the rest of our squad isn't bored at all. They're playing real or not real, a game invented by Boggs' sidekick to make Peeta remember things correctly.

Again, Jackson sets up some rotation so Peeta can ask everyone questions. Everyone has to form a pair which leaves one person alone. Finnick suggests I can join him and Mitchell.

Even though I'm supposed to answer Peeta's questions on his Games, I can barely keep my eyes open and eventually fall asleep. Finnick is smart, he can answer the questions.

* * *

"Should my feet wake her again?" I hear Gale saying.

"Don't even think about it," I mutter.

"That doesn't even _sound_ dangerous," Katniss laughs.

I shrug while still lying down with my eyes shut. "Why do we have to get up now?"

"New propos. Coin and Plutarch want _newer_, _better_, _grander_," Finnick answers.

"You sound so much like Plutarch right now," I say between chuckles before I turn around and get up.

I spot Peeta getting ready too. "Peete, you're coming too?" I ask him.

"Yeah, Plutarch's orders. To show the Capitol that I'm on your side again."

"Good."

Everyone needs armor, even the television crew.

"Look at us," I shout enthusiastically. "Real soldiers!"

"Who would've thought. Fighting with knives and axes and tridents and spears one year, fighting with heavy guns the next," Finnick says, clearly equally excited.

"He gets a gun too?"

I turn around at Gale's voice to see Boggs handing Peeta a gun.

"It's loaded with blanks," Boggs clarifies and Gale visibly relaxes. He didn't really sound angry when he asked if Peeta got a gun too but there was still a hint of distrust. Guess he's slowly adapting to the fact that Peeta really is a member of the Star Squad.

"I'm not much of a shot anyway." He thanks Boggs for the gun but is clearly distracted by Pollux, one of the cameramen.

"You're an Avox, aren't you?" Peeta suddenly exclaims. "I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They'd been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They just wanted me to see it."

Memories from my torture in the Capitol come flashing back. The more Peeta says the worse the images get, up to a point when I have to turn away and push my fists into my eye sockets. I remember them, the redheads. I saw them, saw her die, heard his screams (if you could call it that).

Apparently Peeta isn't sure about his memory, which is why he keeps asking if it's real or not real until Boggs tells him it is.

"I thought so. There was nothing…shiny about it," Peeta mutters and walks away.

I take a few good breaths before turning back to the group. Finnick shoots me a glance but I ignore it. Now is not the time for emotions.

Eventually everyone gets their acts together and we're ready for the propo. It feels weird to shoot it because we have to act and although I always acted in the Capitol, this is different. Katniss is a terrible actress but Mitchell is the worst. It's like he's trying to impersonate a bull ready to attack. Boggs tries to lecture us to pull it together but even he has to laugh when Finnick imitates Mitchell's acting.

"Okay, Four-Five-One. That's enough. Our five second laugh party can now come to an end," Boggs eventually says.

"Oh come on, Boggs. Live a little and give us an extra five minutes to laugh," Finnick grins.

Boggs seems to think about it and eventually gives us permission to laugh for an extra five seconds, a permission to ridiculous it sets everyone up for at least fifteen seconds of laughter.

"That's my commander!" Finnick exclaims, giving Boggs a playful push against his shoulder which makes him lose his balance.

Drops of blood come down on all of us when the bomb goes off and Boggs' legs are gone.

Finnick stumbles backwards in shock and suddenly another bomb goes off somewhere. A high-pitched scream that doesn't even sound like me comes out of my mouth when I connect Finnick's movements to the second explosion.

"Finnick! FINNICK!"

I stumble through the black smoke in search for my best friend, trying to hold back the tears. I feel guilty for leaving Boggs behind but Finnick is my priority. If he's missing limbs too, or dead, I'm abandoning this mission. If Finnick dies I won't care who wins the war.

I see movement next to a wall, a body crunching over another and my eyes widen in shock. But the smoke dissolves and I see Finnick resuscitating Messalla.

I let out a sigh of relief and when I join them I throw my arms around Finnick for a very brief moment. Messalla's heart is beating again so Finnick gets up to lean against a wall. He doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything.

"Finnick?" I ask tentatively.

No response.

"Finnick, look at me. Look at me!"

The fact that he won't look at me or even acknowledge my presence makes me panic. I'm not the panicky type but he's not the type to go all Annie on something so it freaks me out. When he still doesn't look at me, I slap him across the cheek.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asks me with a angry look in his eyes.

"I told you to look at me," I reply calmly, happy that my method worked.

"Why? What are you going to say to make me feel better. Huh, Johanna?"

"I…"

I'm momentarily at a loss for words because I really don't know how to make him feel better.

"It wasn't –" I start.

"Don't tell me it wasn't my fault because it _was_ my fault!"

Finnick has never snapped at me before, not like this.

"Okay, it is your fault," I start. "But accidents happen. It was an accident, Finnick."

"Accident or not, he's still dead! Boggs is dead, Johanna! Dead! I pushed him!"

Angry tears are forming in his eyes and once again I don't know what to do. I haven't had to deal with this Finnick for such a long time. The last time he was this upset was before the start of the Quarter Quell and so much has happened since. If people say you can just fall back into a pattern, they're wrong. You can't. My friendship with Finnick blossomed over mutual distress, need for comfort and booze. The first two years we were just drinking buddies. We almost didn't speak. And one day I realized we were speaking, and eventually he was my best friend and my family. But all those years revolved around comforting each other when needed. But me being tortured without him there to protect me took a toll on me, and Annie being in the Capitol was hard on him because I wasn't there to comfort him. So we're not what we used to be to each other anymore. And now this happens, Boggs dies and it's Finnick's fault and he needs comforting or _something_ and I don't even know what to do anymore! How is this possible?! When did we get so messed up?

"What?"

I look up to Finnick. "What? I say back.

"You said … You asked when we got so messed up," he says, looking at me like I just lost my head in front of him.

So apparently I said that out loud. "Yeah, sorry about that."

But he doesn't want to let it go. "Why would you think that?"

I sigh. "Just drop it, Finn."

"No! You're saying we're messed up. I want to know why!"

He's driving me crazy. One moment he's almost crying because he thinks he killed someone and the next he's attacking me because I'm refusing to say something which doesn't even matter.

"Johanna!"

"I don't know what to do!" I yell. "I don't know what to say to you, not after this. This wasn't supposed to happen anymore. Deaths, nightmares, killings… We were passed that when we got to 13. And now Boggs dies and I have to do something and I don't know what!"

"You're supposed to know what to do or say! You're my best friend!"

Are we seriously yelling at each other right now? Now, in the middle of a crisis?

"Well excuse me for not knowing what to say but at least I'm here, aren't I!" I snap back.

"What is that supposed to mean? Is it because of the Capitol again?"

"Again? Again?! You try being tortured for months, waiting for your best friend who isn't coming for you."

"I wanted to come, I just couldn't! Do you honestly think I wanted Annie and you to be there? I would've happily taken your place in the arena when the hovercrafts came!"

"Oh it's such a shame you didn't because then maybe I w-"

"STOP IT!"

We both turn around when Gale commands us to shut up and motions for us to follow him back. Apparently Jackson wants us to retreat.

I help Messalla get up but when we turn around to go back we stop in our tracks immediately. Something black is spraying from a hole in the ground, like a fountain. A deadly fountain.

"Finn…" I start, blood rushing through my veins.


	7. Chapter 7

"Finn…?"

"Go help Gale and Leeg 1!" Finnick orders me while he shoves his arms under Messalla's body. He's alive and breathing again but he's too weak to stand up on his own right now.

I turn around to see where Gale and Leeg 1 are but the sight of the black deadly fountain which has now turned into a big black deadly wave scares the hell out of me. For someone who has had two trips to the arena I know it could be anything, not just a black wave that can swallow you.

The deafening sound of gunfire attacks my ears and I see Gale and Leeg 1 shooting everything they possibly can. In an instant I know they're trying to trigger other pods.

I take out my own gun and fire away. A pod explodes and leaves a large hole in the ground but I don't know if my bullets did that or Gale's or Leeg 1's. There's screaming everywhere but Boggs' are the worst to hear because everyone knows it's not just fear sounding through his screams, it's an unbearable pain as well. Suddenly I hear another scream, a shorter one, and when I turn around I see Peeta attacking Katniss.

"Damn it, Peeta," I mutter under my breath. I know I should probably shoot him but I won't. He can't help it he's like this. So instead I run towards the former lovebirds to help Katniss but Mitchell is closer. He flings himself at Peeta. Bad move. I remember Brutus doing the same in the arena. Brutus is dead now.

"Mitchell!" I try to warn him but it's too late. Peeta kicks him in the stomach and Mitchell flies through the air. When he falls onto the ground again, another pod goes off. Before we can try to do anything, Mitchell is trapped in a net of barbed wire. I try shooting some bullets to free him but I either miss every shot or the cables are supposed to withstand bullets.

Finnick calling my name over and over again warns me for the wave that has begun to fall. It spreads a nasty smell that makes it really hard to breathe. Everyone is suddenly running towards a building to protect themselves from the wave but what about Mitchell? He's still alive, someone should help him, not run away.

I fire a new range of bullets at the cables but they still won't snap. I can't do anything. Mitchell's body is twitching because he can't get enough air in his lungs but by doing that he's only hurting himself more. Blood is dripping down. I need to help him.

"Johanna, come on!" Finnick yells. I want to go but I can't. I'm not leaving people behind.

"We have to shoot him," a voice next to me suddenly says.

I turn around to face Gale. "I know."

"We'll do it quickly," he says.

"With lots of bullets," I add.

"Yes, he should die right away. No more pain."

"Okay, quickly. I can't breathe."

Gale and I both pull the trigger a few times and seconds later Mitchell isn't moving anymore. My breath is hitching in my throat and it hurts everywhere. The wave is coming dangerously close now.

"Let's go," Gale says, taking my hand and dragging me with him to the building.

As soon as we're at the front door another hand pulls me in for a hug. I hear Katniss shrieking Gale's name, a nervous tremor in her voice.

"Next time do as I say," Finnick mumbles in my hair, our fight long forgotten. "If I call you, you come. You don't stay out and risk your life again like that, do you hear me?"

I'm still gasping for air so I just nod against his chest. We both know we'll have to risk our lives more than once on this mission but the pretending is comforting.

There's an odd conversation between Boggs – or what is left of him – and Katniss. He's saying something but Katniss doesn't seem to understand what he's talking about. Everybody else is quiet, doesn't know what to say. The silence is only interrupted by Peeta's kicking against the closet door but then he too is silent.

"He's dead?" Finnick asks Katniss once he has let go of me. Katniss just nods. "We need to get out of here. Now. We just set off a streetful of pods. You can bet they've got us on surveillance tapes," he continues.

One of the cameramen, Castor I think, agrees with Finnick. "All the streets are covered by surveillance cameras. I bet they set off the black wave manually when they saw us taping the propo."

"What?!" I yell. "If you knew that, why did you let us tape the propo in the first place? You knew it wasn't safe!"

"It's never safe around here, Johanna," Gale says.

I sigh. "I know that but that's not what I mean! I'm saying that if you knew there were surveillance cameras AND pods they could set off manually, then why let us do it with only this squad? We're the Star Squad, why wasn't there a Bodyguard Squad or whatever?"

Finnick immediately jumps in. "Why didn't anyone come to our rescue?"

"Our radio communicators went dead almost immediately. Probably an electromagnetic pulse device," Jackson explains and then turns to Katniss. "But I'll get us back to camp. Give me the Holo."

Everyone is surprised when Katniss doesn't give the holo to Jackson. "No. Boggs gave it to me," she says.

"Don't be ridiculous," Jackson says.

"It's true," Homes suddenly says. "He transferred the prime security clearance to her while he was dying. I saw it."

"Why would he do that?" Jackson asks, clearly still confused.

"Because I'm on a special mission for President Coin. I think Boggs was the only one who knew about it," Katniss answers confidently.

Finnick and I shoot each other a look that says we are both thinking the exact same thing: no matter how confident she sounds, she's trying to fool us and we both know it.

"To do what?" Jackson demands.

"To assassinate President Snow before the loss of life from this war makes our population unsustainable."

"Okay enough with this show!" I say. Both Katniss and Jackson look at me, not really sure whose show I'm referring to. "Katniss you're lying."

"I'm not!" Katniss says at the same time Gale says "What?!"

"I don't believe you," Jackson cuts in. "As your current commander, I order you to transfer the prime security clearance over to me."

Katniss refuses again. "That would be in direct violation of President Coin's orders."

"Katniss!" Finnick warns.

"Oh man, taking the side of your best friend again. Really?" Gale mutters.

"As if you're not doing the same thing here," Finnick defends himself.

"Everything Johanna says or does, you're always on her side! And isn't it such a coincidence that it's always the opposite of what Katniss says or does?"

I'm just too baffled by this to say anything.

"I'm not on Johanna's side because she's my best friend," Finnick explains in an angry voice. "I'm on her side because she's right. Come on, Katniss is a terrible liar! She's not here to kill Snow."

And then Cressida suddenly jumps in. "It _is_ true, Finnick. That's why we're here. Plutarch wants it televised. He thinks if we can film the Mockingjay assassinating Snow, it will end the war."

_The Mockingjay assassinating Snow_. This is it for me, I'm about to snap and I can't do anything to stop it. "You know, we have as much right to assassinate Snow as Katniss. Why her? What has he ever done to her that is so bad that she gets the monopoly on killing him?"

"What has he ever done to her that is so bad? Are you really asking that question, Johanna?" Gale almost yells.

"Yes, I'm really asking that question!" I yell back. "The worst was probably when she saw you being lashed with whips. Well let me tell you this, Gale, I saw Finnick in worse conditions. A few scars on your back are nothing compared to the mental scars Finnick and I have because we had to prostitute ourselves to keep our loved ones safe! Katniss had to pretend to be engaged to Peeta. Wow, that's tough considering he's a sweet, nice, gentle and not to mention handsome guy who happens to be in love with her! And guess what, even though no one believed her little act, her mother and sister are still alive. And so are you, Gale! But my family? They're all dead. Half of Finnick's family is dead. So you don't get to stand there and say that whatever he has done to her is so much worse because it is fucking not! Finnick should be the one assassinating Snow, or I should. Hell, even Peeta has more right since his family is dead too because of Snow! His mind isn't even his anymore! Katniss has everything and we have nothing and yet she's the freaking Mockingjay!"

Now I really want to slam a door and leave everyone pondering about what I just said but I know I can't. So instead I open the closet to let Peeta out. He's still unconscious but apparently I'm the only one worried about him. He's a broad-shouldered guy locked up in a closet after all.

It appears that my little speech didn't really change anything.

"Why is he here?" Jackson points at Peeta who is now lying on the floor.

"Because the two post-Games interviews with Caesar Flickerman were shot in President Snow's personal quarters. Plutarch thinks Peeta may be of some use as a guide in a location we have little knowledge of," Katniss answers. I look at her but she avoids my gaze and eventually blushes.

"We have to go," Gale says after a few moments of silence. "I'm following Katniss. If you don't want to," and now he's looking at Finnick and me. "Head back to camp. But let's move."

I walk over to where Finnick is standing. "What should we do?"

"I don't know," he whispers back.

I look around us to see if anyone is listening but they're too busy dealing with Boggs' body and discussing the holo to really pay attention to us.

"Maybe we should just go with them to see what the plan is and if we don't agree with something just go our own way… What do you think?" I ask.

"Yeah, fine. Let's go with them, see if they can get close to Snow and then we kill him ourselves instead of Katniss. But when things get messy, we're out, okay?"

"Things _will_ get messy, Finnick. You know that."

He sighs. "I know. I just mean that we stick together. If we go our own way and let Katniss and Gale go, we stick together. As soon as one of us wants to go in a different direction, the other follows. Deal?"

"Deal," I say.


	8. Chapter 8

"Can I talk to you?" Katniss whispers in my ear as soon as we've made our way to another block and made ourselves comfortable on the couch in some very colorful apartment.

"Sure," I say.

She stands up and motions for me to follow her to another room. I shoot Finnick a curious look before getting up myself and following her. Why she wants to talk to me in private instead of Gale is a mystery to me but I can't wait to find out what she has to tell me.

"Ok," she starts as soon as she's closed the door of the pantry. "You have to help me."

"With what?" I ask skeptically.

Her face gets a desperate look. "Johanna, I have no idea what I'm doing!"

I don't know what I expected to hear but it's definitely not this. "I already knew that but the question is, why are you telling me?"

"Because I need your help!"

She's making frantic gestures with her hands and is almost jumping up and down in desperation.

"Yeah, I got that. But what exactly do you want me to do here, Katniss?"

"I… I don't know… I just… What the hell have I done?!"

She literally has her hands in her hair and is probably about to tear off half of her scalp.

"Ok, just calm down for a second. Finnick and I already knew you were improvising. And we know it's because you want to kill Snow and not deal with Coin and we get that, we're in the exact same position."

She looks at me and finally nods a few times. "Ok. So what would you do now?"

"Honestly, I'd try to get rid of the others and just do everything on my own."

"Sounds like your Hunger Games," she says.

"Sounds like the best plan too. But we can't do that anymore. You're already stuck in the lie so you can only continue lying."

"I can't do it alone. I already have Gale's help but…"

"You want Finnick and me to help you as well," I finish.

She nods but bites her lip as if she wants to say something else but isn't sure if she should.

"Just spit it out," I say.

"Peeta."

"What about him?"

"I can't leave him."

"Then don't leave him. What's the problem?"

"Gale."

"You seriously need to stop answering in names. What about Gale?"

"He doesn't trust Peeta."

"Do you?"

"I don't know… But you do, and so does Finnick. I don't know if I can trust him but I can't leave him behind. It's not fair."

"Ok, then I repeat: don't leave him behind."

"Gale will object, Johanna! I need you and Finnick to defend Peeta, I need you to convince everyone Peeta can be trusted!"

"Oh yeah, since we haven't already done that the past few days…"

Katniss sighs and looks genuinely sorry. "I know I wasn't of any help but I just didn't really know how I should feel about all this. I mean, one second he's trying to be normal and nice and the next he's trying to kill me. So if you could just have his back for a few more days…?"

"Peeta really is my friend, Katniss. I'll always have his back."

I move past Katniss and open the door to go back to the living room. Her words made me slightly upset. It's like she was insinuating that I didn't really care about Peeta, that I was just faking it for some reason.

I get back to the others just in time to see a newsflash about the wave, Peeta losing it and our deaths.

"There's no aerial footage. Boggs must've been right about their hovercraft capacity," Castor says.

Oh yeah, since we're all so interested in what kind of footage they used.

Everyone stays silent for a long time until Homes speaks up. "Finally, a bit of luck."

Finnick is looking at the floor, Katniss is looking nervous and Gale has that hard facial expression that says he's tense too and Leeg 1 might as well just have another breakdown by the looks of it.

"No one will believe it in 13," I say to lighten the mood a bit.

"Why not?" Katniss asks me. "It looks real enough."

"But they know us! Haymitch and Annie and Gale's family. They know us. They know we can't have died like that. At least not everyone. We're smarter than that and they know it. I'm sure they won't believe it," I object.

"Well as long as the Capitol and Snow believe it, I'm happy," Gale states.

"As if Snow is buying it. He just wants to break the rebels' spirits and calm down the Capitolians," Finnick says.

"Finnick is right," I agree. "Snow just wants us to think we're safe but now it's even more dangerous because we don't know his next move."

"Speaking of moves, now that we're dead, what's our next one?" Gale asks.

Peeta's voice makes heads turn when he announces that our next move is obvious: killing him.

"Don't be ridiculous," I snap in unison with Jackson.

"I just murdered a member of our squad!" he shouts back.

"You pushed him off you. You couldn't have known he would trigger the net at that exact spot," Finnick says in that typical soothing voice of his that always calms me down. It doesn't really calm down Peeta though.

"Who cares? He's dead, isn't he?" Peeta is crying now and I hate it when men cry. It's not right. "I didn't know. I've never seen myself like that before. Katniss is right. I'm the monster. I'm the mutt. I'm the one Snow has turned into a weapon!" Peeta continues.

"It's not your fault, Peeta," Finnick tries again.

"Okay, listen," I say. I walk over to Peeta and put my hands on his broad shoulders. "Yes, Snow turned you into a weapon. But his weapon is not working the way he wants it to work. Snow doesn't own you anymore. You're one of us, you're on our side, not Snow's. And we're not killing one of our own. Do you hear me?"

Peeta hesitates. "You can't take me with you. It's only a matter of time before I kill someone else. Maybe you think it's kinder to just dump me somewhere. Let me take my chances. But that's the same thing as handing me over to the Capitol. Do you think you'd be doing me a favor by sending me back to Snow?"

"That won't happen," I say firmly.

"I'll kill you before that happens," Gales says. I turn around to glare at him even though I understand why he's saying it. I would do the same thing.

But Peeta doesn't believe Gale. "It's no good. What if you're not there to do it? I want one of those poison pills like the rest of you have."

"No," Finnick and I say.

Then Katniss finally speaks up as well. "It's not about you. We're on a mission. And you're necessary to it." Then she turns around and quickly changes the subject before Peeta can object. "Think we might find some food here?"

Katniss, Gale, Messalla, Homes and Leeg 1 start hunting for food while Castor, Pollux, Finnick and I stay behind to look after Peeta. I feel like an evil and over-controlling baby-sitter but I'm secretly really scared that Peeta will try to hurt himself or run away.

The hunting party comes back with several cans of food and for a few moments while we're eating in silence, everything seems fine.


	9. Chapter 9

We're still eating in silence when the television screen suddenly lights up again. It shows us and everyone else in Panem the pictures of the most important 'fallen'.

"That's a really nice picture," Finnick comments when my face appears on the screen.

I smack his arm playfully. "Girl," I laugh.

"I know," he says while spinning one of his golden locks around his finger in a terribly girly way.

President Snow himself interrupts our friendly banter with a congratulatory speech directed at the peacekeepers.

"Oh please," I scoff. "As if the peacekeepers had any hand in our deaths. He should be congratulating his pods."

"Now that Katniss Everdeen, the menace who started it all but did nothing more, is dead, Panem can go back to its former glory. Our country will arise stronger than ever. That I will promise you," Snow says with a disgusting smile on his lips.

Then suddenly Snow's face is replaced with Coin's, telling us to keep fighting even though Katniss is probably dead. "Dead or alive, Katniss Everdeen will remain the face of this rebellion. If ever you waver in your resolve, think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors."

We stay silent for a second before Finnick and I burst out in laughter.

"I had no idea how much I meant to her," Katniss says, causing Gale to laugh as well.

And then a picture of her appears on the screen and everyone is silent again, either because they're too much in shock or because they're trying to be polite before roaring with laughter again.

"You almost look like you could live in the Capitol, Katniss. Maybe you should change your name to something even more memorable than Mockingjay," I snigger.

"Shut up," Katniss says, laughing as well.

After Snow's speech we all realize that this moment of peacefulness has to come to an end. They will be looking for us in the morning and when they don't find us, there'll be a raid no one has ever seen.

"I don't want to spoil the fun," I start. "But I think we might need to move if we want to stay ahead of them."

"Any ideas?" Katniss asks.

Finnick is the first one to answer. "Why don't we start by ruling out possibilities. The street is not a possibility."

"The rooftops are just as bad as the street," Leeg 1 adds.

"We still might have a chance to withdraw, go back the way we came," Homes suggests. "But that would mean a failed mission."

I look Katniss directly in the eye to gauge her reaction but she doesn't even flinch. She's really made this her mission, hasn't she? But then she says something that makes me thinks she really feels guilty for bringing everyone into this mess.

"It was never intended for all of us to go forward. You just had the misfortune to be with me," she says.

"Yeah right, as if we weren't going after you. You're the dearest Mockingjay, Katniss. I bet they're flipping coins back at our camp to see who's going to look for you and bring you back to safety," I say, rolling my eyes at her so-called apology.

"Well, that's a moot point," Jackson replies to Katniss' excuse as well. "We're with you now. So, we can't stay put. We can't move up. We can't move laterally. I think that just leaves one option."

"Underground," Gale says immediately.

As soon as Gale says the word, everyone falls silent. It seems like no one is really keen on going underground, especially Katniss. Wait, didn't her father die in a mine explosion? I thought I heard her say that once, or maybe it was Finnick who told me, I don't really remember.

"Okay then we go underground. We might even go so deep we can avoid all the pods, right? So it might even be safer," I say. "Check the holo, Katniss."

She does as I tell her to and we see I was right, the number of pods is much smaller around the tunnels than closer to the street.

"We can get to the tunnels via this shaft, and then through that apartment," Finnick says, his fingers following the path on the holo.

Gale nods. "Yes, I think it's our best shot."

"Okay, then. Let's make it look like we've never been here," Katniss says immediately. We clean up as much as possible but if the peacekeepers decide to check this apartment, they'll know for sure we've been here. There's too much food missing, the lock on the door is broken and there's blood on the sofa. But cleaning up gives us at least a bit of security.

"Okay, let's go," Jackson says. Everyone moves except for Peeta, who is lying stubbornly on the couch.

"I'm not going. I'll either disclose your position or hurt someone else," he says.

"Snow's people will find you," Finnick says.

"Then leave me a pill. I'll only take it if I have to," Peeta suggests.

"No," I snap. "We're not giving you anything, we're not leaving you and we're not killing you. You're coming with us, understood?"

Jackson agrees with me and orders Peeta to come along.

"Or you'll what? Shoot me?" Peeta asks.

In a few big steps I'm right by Peeta's side, grabbing a handful of his hair and dragging him off the couch.

"How many times do we have to tell you?" I hiss. "We. Are. Not. Leaving. You. Behind. Got that? So don't even _dare_ to ask us one more time or I swear I won't be able to control myself. And for your information, I'm Johanna Mason. That means it could hurt when I lose control."

Homes backs me up. "We'll knock you out and drag you with us. Which will both slow us down and endanger us."

"Stop being noble! I don't care if I die!" he yells and then turns to Katniss. "Katniss, please. Don't you see, I want to be out of this?"

I shoot Katniss a glance that says 'don't even think about it' and maybe that's what made her change her mind because eventually she says, "We're wasting time. Are you coming voluntarily or do we knock you out?"

A sigh of relief escapes my lips. One look at Finnick is all it takes to see he too was worrying Katniss might make the wrong decision regarding Peeta.

"Should we free his hands?" Leeg 1 suddenly asks.

I say yes at the same time Peeta yells no.

Even Katniss says no.

I turn to her angrily. "You do realize that if we are under attack, Peeta will be of no use and he won't be able to defend himself, right? So just so you know, if anyone of us dies because Peeta couldn't help us, or if he dies, it's on you."

"Johanna," Finnick says in a soft but warning voice, but I'm already quiet. I said what I needed to say.

But then Gale jumps to Katniss' defense. "Yeah but if we remove his cuffs like you want, and he kills someone because of the venom in his brain, it will be on you."

I smirk. "I already have a pretty long list. One or two killings more won't make a difference. I'm the heartless bitch here, remember? You said it yourself. But Katniss here, I'm not sure if she could handle more blood on her hands. So if you want to threaten me, be sure to do it with a real threat or don't do it at all."

Everyone's staring is getting on my nerves to I just open the small metal door that leads to the shaft and enter. The rest will follow soon enough.

After I've made a few steps, Finnick tells me to stop.

I sigh in exasperation. "Now what?"

"Pollux and Castor don't fit in this with their cameras and clothing."

"Tell them to get naked and hurry up."

A chuckle escapes Finnick's mouth but a second later he's serious again.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt to be nice to your teammates," he hints.

I roll my eyes. "Classic Finnick-advice: get people to like you."

"It's effective," he torts back.

"You may have won your games by getting people to like you but I won mine on my own. That's effective too. Besides, look where your being nice got you."

"I have a bunch of good friends, a gorgeous wife and a great best friend. Look where it got you. You have exactly two friends and that's me and Haymitch."

"And that's all I need," I say harshly.

"Hey, start moving," Gale says from the entrance of the shaft.

Finnick and I put our conversation at a hold while we move through the shaft until we're in the apartment that leads to the tunnels.

"This is why no one ever wants the center unit. Workmen coming and going whenever and no second bath. But the rent's considerably cheaper," Messalla muses but then he sees Finnick's amused expression and stops.

Pollux looks down the tunnel and looks like he might faint.

"My brother worked down here after he became an Avox. Took five years before we were able to buy his way up to ground level. Didn't see the sun once," Castor explains.

"Well, then you just became our most valuable asset," Peeta says in a remarkably normal voice.

As soon as everyone except for Peeta, Finnick and I are in the tunnel, I continue my rant to Finnick.

"Besides, I don't want people chasing me, asking me to marry them. I don't need to be popular to survive, Finnick!"

"Oh you don't?" he says. "Then I guess you could find your own way down there, right?"

I stare at his completely blank face for a minute. Then he continues. "I'll see you around, Johanna," he says and gets in the tunnel, leaving me and Peeta behind.

Peeta and I look at each other for a second before Peeta starts to reassure me that Finnick will wait for me downstairs.

"Well then he can wait for a long time, I'm taking another way to the tunnels," I reply angrily.

Peeta shakes his head in amusement. "You're so stubborn. But okay, which way should we go?"

"We?"

Peeta looks at me like he doesn't know why I question him. "Of course. You think I'm leaving you too?"

"Why would you want to follow me? You don't even know where I'm going…"

"You've been defending me since I got here even though you didn't know how dangerous I really am."

"That's different."

"It's not. Now which way are we going?"

I scoff but eventually give in. "Fine. Apartment next door, same floor. There's another ladder that leads to the tunnel."

Peeta nods. "Okay. How do you know?"

"Photographic memory," I simply explain while I'm opening the door to the next apartment.

We open another door and try to stay as quiet as possible. But there's no one here.

"Maybe we should take the other ladder anyway. Finnick is waiting for you so maybe…"

"No. Finnick is with the others. He's one of the most adored Victors, even people from 13 swoon when they see him. They won't let him die. He's safe."

"If you say so," Peeta mutters.

"Oh shut up. We'll catch up with him soon enough, I just want to give him a little scare. That's all."


	10. Chapter 10

"Now what?" I ask no one in particular once Peeta and I are at the base of the ladder.

"I thought you were the one with a photographic memory?" Peeta whispers.

"Shut up," I whisper back.

I thought it was a genius plan, making Finnick sweat a little and then catch up with him, but now it just seems like a foolish act by a stubborn child. Great.

There's a terrible smell in these tunnels and I have to squint to see. I wish I had some sort of flashlight but I don't have one and neither does Peeta.

"Let's just go right, that's where the other apartment should be located, right?"

"I think so," Peeta says.

We turn right but after a few seconds we realize there are many other tunnels connected to this larger one.

"I'm such a genius," I sigh sarcastically.

"Doesn't matter," Peeta says. "We're here now, we better make the best of it. Besides, we both won two Hunger Games, how difficult can this be?"

Just as I'm about to thank him for his encouraging comment, I notice a red blinking light a bit further down the tunnel.

"What is that?" I whisper more to myself than to Peeta but as soon as the words leave my mouth I realize what I'm looking at.

"Don't move!"

"What? What is it?"

I point my finger at the light. "Cameras," I say.

"Shit," he says. "Let's take a smaller tunnel. Here, this one."

I chuckle. "Don't think I ever heard you curse before."

I follow him into the other tunnel and look for other cameras but I can't find any. Maybe only the main tunnels have cameras because they are the most important ones.

I follow Peeta through the small tunnel and eventually we go left so we're on the right path again.

Suddenly, Peeta's arm stops me.

"Ssht, do you hear that?" he asks in a low voice.

I stop breathing for a moment and listen carefully. It's a light ticking. Like a clock, but way faster.

"Maybe it's water dripping somewhere?" I suggest.

Peeta stays silent for a few more seconds while he looks around, searching for some unknown thing in the darkness. Then he opens his eyes widely when it dawns on him.

"Rats," he says.

I listen carefully. "They're behind us." I listen again. "But they're coming fast."

"Run," Peeta suddenly yells while grabbing my hand and dragging me with him.

The sound of scratching nails gets louder and louder, even though we're almost sprinting towards I don't know where. I dare to glance over my shoulder only to be startled by the number of rats following us and their size. They're as big as a cat!

"We can't outrun them, they're too fast," I inform Peeta while fiddling with my belt to get my axe.

I pull my hand out of his and thrown my axe at the rat closest to me and push the button. The rat explodes and the ones who survived the explosion run in the opposite direction, away from the smoldering limbs of their comrades. I stop running and lean against a wall, breathing heavily. Peeta is hunched over, his hands on his knees.

"Fuck."

"I know."

My breathing suddenly turns into laughing and Peeta soon joins me.

"How hard can it be right?" Peeta says, still laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Shut up," I respond.

Our laughter soon stops when we hear yet another sound, this time different than the rats. It's heavy, footsteps. I snatch my axe and am ready to throw it when Peeta stops me.

"Are you completely insane?" A voice belonging to the newcomer says.

"Finnick?" I say, flabbergasted that he found us.

I recognize him now that he's closer and I can see his characteristic hair and facial features.

"How did you know –" I start but Finnick cuts me off.

"I've been your best friend for more than five years. I know you. You could've gotten yourselves killed because of your stubbornness!"

He's obviously mad at me but hugs me nonetheless.

"I'm sorry," I breathe in his hair.

"Where is the rest?" Peeta asks Finnick, who shrugs in response.

"I don't know. I left them to look for you two idiots."

"What?" I say. "And they just let you go?"

Finnick rolls his eyes at me. "Of course not. They never noticed I left."

I punch his arm, hard. "Who's the idiot now? At least I had Peeta, you were completely alone. If anyone could've been killed, it's you!"

"Okay maybe we should just go find them?" Peeta suggests.

"Fine," I reply, still glaring at Finnick while he glares right back at me.

We walk for at least half an hour in silence before I raise my voice in absolute frustration.

"Where the _hell_ are they?"

"Could you please keep your voice down?"

I want to tell Finnick to shut up but I don't because I know he's right. It's much too dangerous to shout like this. We don't know who or what could be hiding here, except for the rats.

We move forward as quietly as possible but also as fast as possible.

"Maybe they went back up?" Finnick offers.

"Nah," I say in a whispery tone. "Too dangerous."

"Yes and down here it's just _so_ much safer. Can't believe I didn't come up with that answer."

His voice doesn't sound as steady as it usually does but then again, I'm not really at ease myself.

"I'm not saying I like it here, but it's probably our only chance to get as close to the city circle as possible."

"I know."

"They left us on purpose," Peeta suddenly says in a soft voice.

"Why would they do that?" I ask.

"Because of me. They don't want me here. They think I'm dangerous. I _am_ dangerous."

"Peeta," I say in a stern voice. "You are not dangerous, the venom is dangerous. You're still Peeta."

"But…"

"No," Finnick whispers loudly. "Johanna is right. They didn't leave us on purpose and you are not dangerous, so can we please shut up now?!"

"Alright, fine, no need go all Gale on us," I whisper back.

We start walking in silence again while looking out for cameras or rats or anything else. I really wish we had Pollux right now because we still have no idea if we're going the right way.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Peeta ends the silence.

"Huh?"

"Gale. Why do you hate him so much? He's not that bad," Peeta continues.

"I don't hate him," I reply. "But why don't you? I mean, he's obviously your biggest competition in the race for Katniss' heart."

Peeta shrugs. "I know I was in love with Katniss but the venom really messed me up. I'm not too sure right now, but she and Gale get along pretty well and he clearly cares about her a lot so I think he'd be good for her."

I stop immediately. "Don't say that. Ever again. You're the one who clearly cared about Katniss, you're the one that's good for her. And I don't hate Gale, I know he's a good guy, he just gets on my nerves a lot. But don't ever say Gale is better for Katniss than you are because he's not."

I turn around again only to find Finnick watching me with eyebrows as high as the sky.

"What?"

Finnick just shakes his head with a ridiculous smile on his face. "Nothing. You're just being very romantic right now. Very girly."

"Aw come on, you saw first-hand how Peeta and Katniss are together! You should be agreeing with me!"

"I do agree with you, I just never expected you to say it out loud."

"Whatever," I say, walking past him.

Another hour later I ask the others to stop.

"I can't anymore. My feet hurt, I'm burning up, I hate it down here," I say.

I turn around to face my two companions but then my eye falls on something I can't believe I didn't notice before.

"Peeta! You have a watch!"

He looks at me, then at his watch, and then back at me. "Of course."

"So what time is it?" I ask, nearly jumping up and down in excitement because I'll finally get some idea of time.

"Almost four in the morning," he answers.

My excitement quickly fades away. "They'll be here in two, maybe three hours."

Finnick puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Let's rest for a while."

I can only manage a nod. We all look around to see if there's any chance to rest somewhere without the terrible smell and heat but we can't find anything.

"Looks like we just have to sit down where we're standing," Peeta says with a sigh.

"You can sleep now," Finnick says, looking at me. "I'll stay awake for the first hour, then you can take the second. We move at six o'clock, okay?"

"Why don't I have to stay awake?" Peeta asks, confusion and a hint of betray in his voice.

"Because you still need to heal from the tracker jacker venom," I say while sliding down the wall in a sitting position.

"You don't trust me, is that it?" Peeta asks.

"Of course we trust you. But we can only rest for two hours, so be happy you get both hours instead of just one," Finnick says.

I'm sitting between Finnick and Peeta while my head is resting against Finnick's arm. Fatigue is taking over my body but every time I fall asleep, my head jerks back up again and I'm wide awake. It's exhausting. I turn to my right and see that Peeta's not sleeping either.

"Damn it," I mutter under my breath.

Finnick lets out such a long sigh that I feel like I'm obligated to ask what's wrong.

"We're trapped here, we don't know if we're going the right way, we don't know our way out and we're completely alone. We'll never find the others," he says, defeat all over his face.

I take his hand in mine. "Don't give up, Finnick. We'll get through this."

"Maybe. But what if we never see the sun again? What if we die down here?"

I look at Peeta for support but he too looks like he's been flirting with that thought. And fine, I thought about it too but I didn't voice those thoughts because I knew that would only make it worse.

"This is a sewer," Finnick continues. "I don't want us to die in a freaking sewer! Especially not by rats or fatigue or hunger or anything like that. If we die, we should do it in battle!"

I suddenly stand up and hold out both my hands for Peeta and Finnick to take them. "Let's just go," I say. "Sitting here will only make it worse."

I just pulled them up when we hear a sound, a hissing.

"What is that?" Finnick says.

I listen carefully but then my eyes land on Peeta. His face is crunched up, as if he's trying to resist the hissing. I don't even think, I just slap him across the face.

"Peeta, stay with us, you hear me?" I yell.

His eyes jerk open and he nods.

The hissing gets louder and louder and now we can make out a single word. "Katniss."

"Oh fuck."

"Run!"


	11. Chapter 11

"We have to find Katniss!" Peeta yells frantically. "Now!"

"Wh-?" I respond, not fully believing what is going on.

Peeta pushes me in the direction of the larger tunnels. "Go!"

"Peeta, what is going on?" Finnick asks him while we're running.

"Mutts," Peeta answers breathlessly. "I can't… I… We just have to find Katniss. So we can run far away from her."

"What?!" I shriek. What kind of plan is that? Finding Katniss only to run away from her again.

"Because I'm programmed to kill her!" Peeta yells, suddenly extremely angry.

"We can't go back," Finnick shouts. "They're behind us. So we better hope Katniss and the rest of the team had a good head start because we'll have to follow them anyway."

I look at Peeta's face but he looks more determent to get out of this sewer alive than to find and kill Katniss.

We decide to go up as fast as possible. If we have to reach the mansion via the Capitol street, then so be it. We can disguise ourselves if we have to. Besides, I'd rather be surrounded by hundreds of peacekeepers on the street than hundreds of this unknown mutts who are following us right now.

Suddenly we stumble upon a golden beam with a heap of flesh lying at the bottom. The smell is even more terrible.

"Is that someone from…?" I can't even finish my sentence because I realize it is. It's someone we knew. On the other hand we finally know if we're headed in the right direction. The body proves that Katniss and the team went this way.

We turn left and then right again to avoid any more pods and at the same time find an exit, but a fight between mutts and peacekeepers is blocking our way.

"Turn around!" I yell. It's no use to try to keep silent anymore because I'm pretty sure the mutts are tracking us with our smell. And judging by the number of dead peacekeepers it's obviously not just our smell but human smell in general.

"There," Finnick points. "A ladder!"

"Go, go, go!" Peeta screams.

One look at Peeta makes me feel nauseous when I realize he doesn't have a gun, not a working one at least. I take one of Finnick's since he has two guns and hand it to Peeta.

"Shoot at the mutts, okay?" I tell him only half jokingly.

He fires it immediately just as Finnick and I throw our ax and trident at them. The ladder isn't that far away anymore but we're outnumbered by the mutts, at least fifteen to one. This is starting to look very bad.

"They're everywhere," I say breathlessly. And then the truth of my own words hits me. They really are everywhere. There's no chance everyone will get out of this alive.

I'm swinging my ax as fast as possible, trying to hit as many mutts as I can while Peeta is trying to kill them with bullets and Finnick with his trident. But it's no use. All I can do is give the others a chance to escape.

For some reason, the thought of having to die doesn't frighten me. At least not as much as I expected it to. And if it means saving my best friend who happens to be the only one who really cares for me and loves me for who I am, it'll be worth it. Right? Finnick needs to go back to Annie and Katniss needs Peeta in her life, even if she tells everyone otherwise.

"Come on. We have to get out of here," Finnick says while summoning back his trident with his wristband. The ladder is only a few feet away now.

I swallow the lump in my throat and say, "Ok. You two go first, I'm right behind you."

The fact that he trusts my words without even turning his head to check if I really am behind him makes it even harder to do it. It's hard, sacrificing yourself, but I'd still happily do it. So instead of following Finnick I turn around and run in the opposite direction to face the mutts. I try not to trip over my feet and fall into the dirty and lethal-looking water I failed to notice before. I'm literally running away from safety now and every voice in my head screams 'Go back!' and 'What are you doing?' but I ignore them all. My heart is beating faster and faster in the anticipation of having to fight those mutts.

A mere two seconds have passed before a hand suddenly grabs my arm and yanks me back.

"Where do you think you're going?" Finnick asks me with an angry look in his eyes.

I can't form words, I just stare at his face while he drags me with him, away from the mutts. He throws his trident further than I've ever seen him do and with it, he kills at least three mutts. My ax follows quickly and the explosion kills some more but we will never be able to kill all of them.

"But Finn..." I start but he cuts me off.

"No, I won't hear it. I won't leave you behind, you hear me?"

He's obviously very angry with me but it's still very touching.

We try to run faster because we can see the mutts coming dangerously close but it's no use. The floor is too slippery and right before we reach the stairs I fall down. Finnick loses his grip on my arm and before I can get up, a sharp pain jolts through my arm where the mutt buried his teeth.

In a flash Finnick's trident hits the mutt's head and somehow Finnick also manages to pull me up. I see Peeta throwing something in the sewer and a loud bang announces the explosion and the accompanying deaths of the mutts.

Blood is gushing over my arm and everything hurts. Peeta takes my wrist but I have no idea why. Maybe to pull me up. But there's too much blood, I'll never be able to get up without fainting. I don't know why I feel so cold since blood is usually warm and my whole left side is covered in blood now so I should be warm but I'm not. There are lots of sounds trying to get to my brain but I can't make out where the sounds are coming from or what the sounds are. Maybe it's people talking, maybe it's other mutts coming for my friends, coming for Finnick, ...

"Finnick..." I try screaming for my best friend but I can only manage a weak whisper. But he hears it nevertheless.

"I'm here," he says in a soft voice. It's almost soothing.

My body starts shaking uncontrollably and I still have no clue what is going on. There's more blood and it's not just red anymore, it's every color imaginable.

"What's happening?" I ask Finnick. I don't know if he can understand what I'm saying since my words came out like a string of breaths.

I keep shaking, blood keeps gushing, I continue to feel colder and colder and I still don't know what is happening. I can't see anymore, have no control over my muscles and body so I can't reach out to touch Finnick to see if he's still with me or not, I can't hear anything except a very high-pitched beep. And then, just as soon as it had begun, it stops.

A blue sky appears above me, I hear panicky voices, I feel a pair of legs under my back and a pair of hands holding me tightly.

"Is it over?" I ask Finnick. "Am I dead?"

"No you're not. You're still here," Finnick laughs. He actually laughs as if I just said the most funny thing he's ever heard.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you're alive," he says between fits of laughter. "You scared the crap out of me and you're still alive. Oh, Johanna!"

He holds me even closer and buries his face in the crook of my neck. His body that was shaking of laughter a second ago is now shaking while he cries his heart out.


	12. Chapter 12

I open my eyes and am blinded by bright pink so I close them again.

"Where are we?" I ask with my eyes still closed.

Silence is the only answer I get so I open my eyes slowly and look around.

Finnick is eating a banana on a blue couch opposite the lighter blue one I'm lying on.

"Where are we?" I repeat while trying to get up.

"Oh you're up now?" Finnick says, his eyes squinting as if he doesn't really believe me.

I push myself up on one arm but realize too late that it's my injured arm so I fall right back on the cushions.

"Of course I'm up, what is wrong with you?" I grunt. "Now do I have to ask you for the third time where we are or are you going to answer?"

"Sorry, you've been talking a lot in your sleep so I wasn't really sure if you were still sleeping or fully awake," Finnick says, taking the final piece of the banana in his mouth and throwing the rest of it in the multi-colored trashcan.

"We're in someone's apartment," Peeta's voice explains.

"Whose apartment?" I ask.

Peeta shrugs while drinking a glass of water. "We don't know. It looks like that person hasn't been living here for a while. There's dust everywhere."

At the sight of bananas and water my stomach starts to grumble. Loudly. I suddenly feel like I could eat two whole Capitol-sized tables with food. I don't have to ask though, Finnick throws me an apple as a response to my stomach.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"You want us to make you something that resembles a whole meal rather than one piece of fruit? You haven't eaten in a while," Finnick says.

"What?"

"You've been sleeping for," Peeta says, checking his watch, "almost seven hours now."

"What?!" I screech. "Seven hours? Seven? Why didn't you wake me?"

"We couldn't," Finnick simply states.

"What do you mean you couldn't? It's quite easy, you know. You shake me, you say my name, shout my name, pour a bucket of water in my face."

"We tried everything. You just slept and every once in a while you started talking in your sleep," Peeta says.

I knit my eyebrows together in confusion. I haven't talked in my sleep since I was a little kid and even then it was rare. Only when I was sick.

"What did I say?"

Finnick lets out a dry laugh. "Complete nonsense! Seriously, one second you were talking about stars and rainbows and the next about your parents and then suddenly you were talking to one of your clients."

He says the final part of his sentence in a cold voice, without looking at me.

"Peeta?" I turn around, hoping he can give me some more information about my sleepy musings.

"It's true," he says. "But maybe you and Finnick need to talk in private."

He puts his glass in the sink and leaves the room, leaving a very confused me and clearly very angry Finnick alone.

"What is he talking about? Why are you so mad?" I ask him.

"Okay fine," he begins, "when you were talking to that client, in your sleep I mean, you were talking about me."

I shake my head. "Why would I be talking about you?"

"Just let me finish!"

"Alright, fine!"

"It seemed as if you knew that person, in real life, not just in your dreams. And you were talking to him about me, how I meant nothing to you and you thought I was just an arrogant and narcissistic spoiled brat. Those were your exact words."

I can tell by the look on his face that he takes it pretty hard. And to be honest, I would too if it were him talking about me like that. But it also rings a bell. It was a year before the rebellion.

"I do know him in real life," I start explaining. "Or I did. Anyway, Haymitch had warned me about him, just said that I had to be careful. Apparently he was working for Snow, gathering information, but I only knew that later. I remember he was asking a ton of questions about me, you, Haymitch and some other Victors, most of them rebels but not all of them. So yes, I told him those things about you. I lied to him. He was fishing for information I didn't want to give him."

"That's the truth?" Finnick asks me after he's been silent for a few seconds.

"Of course!" I exclaim. "Why would I lie to you about that?"

Now he visibly looks uncomfortable. "I just… I don't know!"

I start laughing. "You thought that, since I won my Games by lying and manipulating and deceiving that I was doing the same to you? That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said or thought, and I have known you for a long time now!"

Still laughing, I get up and walk to the other couch to give him a playful hug but when I'm halfway there, I suddenly fall down.

"What's happened?" Peeta, who just came back in, asks us.

"I don't know," I reply. "It's like my legs didn't work anymore."

"And now?" Finnick asks me.

I wiggle my toes and bend my knees. "Everything is working just fine now."

"Must've been exhaustion, or the lack of proper food," Peeta concludes.

I nod in agreement but I don't say anything about the sting of pain I felt in my arm when I fell down, even though I didn't fall on my arm or hit anything with it.

"We need to have a plan, for what to do next," I change the subject while lying back on the couch.

"I was thinking of getting some rest first, fill our stomachs and then continue the mission," Finnick says, still eyeing me and my legs suspiciously.

"Continue the mission on our own or try to find our squad and continue the mission with them?" Peeta asks, handing me and Finnick a bowl of cereal.

"I don't know if it's possible to find them," I say. "They're probably not underground anymore, so they're either hiding somewhere like us or already going further into the Capitol."

"I think they're already on the move. It's been almost eight hours since the tunnels so there's a big chance they've already reached Snow's mansion, don't you think?" Finnick says.

The fact that I'm the one that held up our little lost group makes me feel a little guilty.

"So we probably won't find them anymore," Peeta nods. "Then what do you think of this: we eat something and take a few cans with us, but we go in fifteen minutes."

"How?" I ask. "We don't know where we are and everyone is looking for us. They'll recognize us."

"First, we do know where we are. Finnick knows," Peeta says while Finnick nods. "And second, it has started to snow outside so we can just pull on some coats and disguise ourselves that way. There's no other option."

It's not a solid plan but it's the only plan we have so we all finish our cereal and check the bedrooms for possible disguises. Apparently the person who was living here was pretty skinny so I have to take a big coat so my arm and bandage can fit in.

"Ready?" I ask when we're standing at the door. Two nods. "Go."


	13. Chapter 13

"So, where to now?" I ask Finnick who is directly walking behind me and who should be able to know our exact location.

"Just keep walking, I'll tell you when to go left. Just try to walk with purpose, now you just look shifty," Finnick says.

"I am walking with purpose because we have a purpose!" I whisper furiously.

I look around to see if anyone recognizes us but the Capitolian people either look down to protect their makeup from the snow or are in an extreme hurry to get back to their safe homes. Apparently even people from the Capitol don't feel at ease at times like these.

I continue walking towards…where? Where am I going to?

"What are we doing here?" I turn around to ask Finnick.

"What?" he asks confused.

"What are we doing here?" I repeat. "Why are we in the Capitol? We're never here when it's snowing, we should be at home."

Finnick turns around to look at an equally confused Peeta. Why is Peeta with us? And what are we doing in these ridiculous clothes?

I'm about to remove the large yellow coat when Finnick stops me.

"What are you doing?! Keep that on!"

"Why?"

"Johanna," Peeta says in a soft voice. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head, tired of this games they're playing with me. "You tell me! What are we doing here? And why the hell does my arm hurt like this?"

Their faces change from confusion to understanding in an instant.

"We're on a mission," Peeta informs me.

"A mission?"

"Yes," he continues. "To capture or kill president Snow. We're part of the rebellion. No one can recognize us which is why we're dressed like this. Do you remember now?"

It takes me a few seconds before I actually do remember. It's all coming back now. Thirteen, the explosion, the death of Boggs, the tunnels, the mutts…

I nod slowly. "Yes, yes I do remember."

Finnick's clearly not fully convinced but he nods too and says we have to move. We don't move for long though, since my legs suddenly stop working again. I collapse against the floor and try to get up as quickly as possible in an attempt to not draw the attention of the Capitolian people but I can't move my legs. The last time it happened it was over in a second but this time it's lasting longer.

"You have to help me," I whisper weakly.

Finnick and Peeta silently nod and pull me up by my arms, each of them supporting me as we casually continue our walk.

"This is a disaster," I mutter. "What is happening to me?"

"It must be the venom," Peeta says. "Venom from the mutts. I think that's what causing the temporary paralysis, memory loss and potential other things. How are your legs now?" he adds.

They put me down and I discover both legs are working fine again. Like Peeta said, it's temporary but it's very inconvenient considering the fact that we have to stay unnoticed.

I notice fewer people are roaming the streets and it's getting darker. I grab Peeta's wrist to check the time and see it's almost eight o'clock.

"Maybe we should find another safe house, to stay the night. If we keep walking, we'll get caught," I say.

Finnick isn't too comfortable with the idea of wasting more time but reluctantly gives in, saying some rest would be good. "Plus, we have to check your wound again and change the bandage," he adds.

Peeta opens a random door and enters the building. Finnick and I follow him up the stairs until he stops to knock on a door. No answer.

"Okay, how do we open the door without making too much noise?"

Finnick points his trident at the lock and pushes a button to make electricity run through it. With a soft click, the door swings open.

"Nice," I mutter approvingly.

He winks at me. "You know me, I don't do anything if not with class."

We let ourselves fall onto the sofa stacked with an abundance of cushions.

"We need to have a plan," I say while rubbing my eyes in the process. I didn't realize how tired I was until I actually sat down.

"It's simple," Peeta says, "Get into Snow's mansion."

"Yeah, such a simple plan. Why don't we just walk over and ring the doorbell? I'm sure he'll let us in, considering we're old friends and all," Finnick says sarcastically.

"Why don't we think about the how-part of the plan later? I'm exhausted," I almost whisper, unable to keep my eyes open.

"Johanna? Johanna!" is the last thing I hear Finnick say before I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, Finnick and Peeta are both asleep as well, Finnick lying on the other sofa and Peeta sitting in a comfortable looking chair. Dirty plates in the sink indicate that they've already eaten. How long was I asleep? Must've been at least an hour or two, potentially more…

I decide to make me some dinner but I'm a terrible cook so I just end up eating a box of chocolate-flavored cookies. It's not a square meal but I've had worse.

When I want to throw the now empty box in the trashcan I accidentally slam the lid on it too loudly, waking up Finnick.

"Oh you're up," he says sleepily.

"Yeah, sorry," I say, referring to the noise I made.

"Don't worry about it, I'm glad you woke me up. We have to change your bandage."

Truth be told, I completely forgot about my arm but now that Finnick mentioned it, it hurts like hell again.

Finnick gets up to look for some first-aid kit while I take place at the table, thinking that's the best place to take care of wounds.

"So this is all I could find," Finnick says when he enters the living room with his arms filled with tubes and bandages.

"To treat burns, to disinfect," he reads from a two tubes, putting the latter aside for use.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" I ask nervously. My arm really hurts and I don't want him to do any more damage.

"Just stay calm, okay?" he replies. "Take off your coat."

I hadn't realized I was still wearing the coat, probably because I feel cold all the time. I'm not sweating so I don't have a fever, I think, but I do feel cold whereas Finnick is walking around in his very thin shirt.

When my coat's off, Finnick tentatively removes the bandage, trying to do any sudden movements that can hurt me.

"What have you been doing while I was asleep?" I ask him.

"Oh we ate something and then we secured the place, barricaded the door and checked for cameras in the hallway. You know, just making sure no one knows we're here and no one can find us."

I nod.

When the bandage is completely off, I almost vomit and I see Finnick gag as well. My arm is about twice the size it normally is and the flesh has an ill-looking green color. Saying it's disgusting would be an understatement.

"Oh shit!" I exclaim, crunching up my nose.

"Don't worry," Finnick says. "It's just infected."

"Infected?! I've seen infected, Finn, and _that_ is not infected. That is fucking gross!"

"Stop being such a baby," he says, swallowing hard at the sight of it. "When I say it's infected, it's infected."

"What's infected?" Peeta's voice suddenly emerges from his chair.

"According to Finnick, my arm," I respond. "But it's not infected. Come on Finnick, my legs go limp when they want to, I had memory loss today and my arm looks green. Green! It looks like a giant overripe cucumber!"

"When this is all over, we'll get it looked at," Finnick concludes, not knowing what to do other than putting on a fresh bandage.

Right when I put my coat back on, the television screen lights up, revealing a peacekeeper instructing everyone to take in refugees. He tells us even the president is providing shelter in his mansion.

Finnick, Peeta and I share looks, each of us obviously thinking of a plan.

"It's a trap," I finally say.

"What?"

"Snow letting people into his house, it's a trap. He knows we're still alive and he also knows we're on a mission to kill him so we'd obviously want to be in his mansion where he is. He's not stupid. He expects us to disguise ourselves, like we're already doing, and ask for shelter in his house so we can kill him there."

"That actually makes a lot of sense," Finnick muses.

"I know," I say proudly.

"But that still leaves us with no plan," Peeta says.

We all turn back to silence, thinking about ways of entering his house unnoticed.

"There is a way…" Finnick begins but hesitates to finish.

I know where he's going. We can't walk into Snow's trap and we also can't lure him outside so we have to get in. And if can't go in through the front door, or any door for that matter since there'll be peacekeepers everywhere, we have to go through somewhere else.

"The tunnels," I conclude Finnick's sentence with a sigh.


	14. Chapter 14

"Maybe it's on another floor," I suggest when Peeta, Finnick and I can't find a shaft leading to the tunnels in this or the adjacent apartment.

"We'll be walking on thin ice, Johanna. There could be people living there…" Peeta trails off.

I sigh. "There are people everywhere. It's our best shot."

"But…"

"Let's just go," Finnick interrupts.

I don't know why Peeta is so against the tunnels. It'll be much safer there, apart from possible mutts, but the Capitolians are going crazy so they're basically as dangerous as the mutts, if not more.

We check every apartment until we finally find one two floors down.

"You go first," I tell Finnick, pushing him towards the entrance of the shaft.

"You're not running off again with Peeta, are you?" Finnick asks me, half-joking but half-serious as well.

I just roll my eyes in response. "No, I'm not. Just go."

I get a nervous feeling in my stomach when I'm following Finnick down the ladder, partly because of my previous experiences in the tunnels and partly because I know that when we leave the tunnels, it'll be it.

I jump off the final few sports and feel water splashing up my legs. There's an inch of water in these tunnels which makes it much harder to stay unnoticed.

"That's not good," Peeta says, voicing my thoughts.

"On the bright side, other people or things won't be able to stay unseen as well," Finnick says optimistically.

"Mind the cameras," I say once we start walking.

Peeta and I follow Finnick because he knew our location above and managed to think of a way underground as well.

"How do you think the entrance to his mansion will be protected underground?" Peeta asks in a whispery voice.

"Peacekeepers no doubt," Finnick mutters. "Right, here to the left, into this smaller one."

"How will we deal with those peacekeepers?" I ask.

"Axes, tridents and guns are the answer, dear Jo," Finnick says.

I roll my eyes. "I can barely move my arm as it is, I doubt I'll be of much use."

Finnick stops abruptly and turns around. "Johanna Mason, don't leave us hanging here!"

"Fine!" I grunt. "But it does hurt like hell!"

"Ssht!" Peeta suddenly says.

He points towards a large shadow in the larger tunnel opposite ours.

"What is that?" Finnick asks.

"Peacekeepers," I answer. "But we're not at Snow's mansion yet, are we?"

Peeta shakes his head. "They're probably here to alarm others when there are people down here. I mean, we're pretty close to Snow's mansion now. I doubt there'll only be two peacekeepers at his door."

And sure enough, we take little detours to avoid peacekeepers until we eventually realize we'll have to get past them one way or another.

"The only option is to kill them," I say.

"But we'll alarm the others," Peeta protests.

"Then what's your plan, brainy?" I snap. This is seriously not the time to go into a full discussion.

"Alarming the others it is then," he admits with a sigh.

"Okay, what do you think of this," I begin in a hushed and excited yet whispery voice. "Peeta distracts these peacekeepers by killing them while Finnick and I run to the next round of peacekeepers. When you're done, Peeta, you follow us. Finnick kills the second round and then I go to the last couple of rounds. I don't think there'll be that many. I mean, we're too close to the mansion now. I'd guess three rounds?"

Finnick nods. "Something like that."

"And what about _inside_ the mansion, if we get in?" Peeta asks but I wave his question away.

"We'll deal with that when we get there."

I place my finger against my lips to indicate that our mission is about to start. Peeta moves forward to walk first, followed by Finnick and then me.

"Go!" I whisper once we've reached a tunnel with two peacekeepers.

Peeta starts shooting and Finnick and I run through the tunnel, Finnick holding his arms above his head to protect himself from possible bullets. I run as if I just escaped from a prison. The sound of Peeta's gunfire echoes through the tunnels, making it sound like a dozen more gunmen are shooting.

Finnick and I turn into another tunnel and a bullet scrapes my shoulder. I can feel it's bleeding but I don't care. There's no time. I keep running while Finnick shoots the four peacekeepers guarding this tunnel. Peeta has caught up with us and kills the last peacekeeper.

"Left?" I yell back to Finnick.

"Yes!"

While turning left inside the last tunnel, I am greeted by two peacekeepers – apparently Snow didn't think anyone would get through the two outer circles – who are ready to shoot me. They're too late though, since I already swung my ax at one of them and pushed the button to charge it. I don't have to bother shooting the second peacekeepers since Finnick's trident hit him.

Watching the peacekeeper getting shocked gives me a strange rush, something I haven't felt in a long time. It feels good, as if I'm finally alive again.

Peeta has arrived at a small green door and shoots the lock to open it. I don't know why but I imagined a much larger entrance, even though it's in a tunnel.

"Move!" I yell, running past Peeta to get into the house first. The adrenaline is still pumping through my veins and I can't wait to find Snow and kill him.

Suddenly I am hit by flashbacks from my torture in the Capitol. Fear and pain are taking over my body but my mind is fighting back somehow, with anger, fury, rage.

We're running up some stairs now, into a big corridor, past one of Snow's servants who I kill with a single movement of my finger pulling the trigger.

"Johanna!" I hear Finnick say in shock but I couldn't care less. These people lived in Snow's mansion, they brought him his food without even trying to poison him, they walked past him without even trying to kill him with a steak knife, they were on his side. And they still are. So they have to die.

My vision becomes a dangerously dark shade of red and somewhere in my mind I know this isn't right but I keep going, killing everyone in my path.

I don't know how many people I've killed or how many times Finnick and Peeta tried to take my gun away from me when we finally find Snow in a room full of roses.

He's standing by the window, smiling at us as if he expected us to barge in any second.

"Look," is all he says while he points to something outside, still smiling. But before we can actually look or do anything else, the sound of explosion and chaos and fear is everywhere.

Suddenly coming to my senses again, I run to a window to see. Dead children, fire and parachutes. That's all it takes to make me vomit all over Snow's beautifully thick rug.

Someone big grabs me by putting his arms around me so I can't move anymore. The man, I don't recognize him but I assume he's a rebel, puts me in a room with Finnick but we don't know where Peeta is.

"Stay," the man commands us before he slams the door shut.

I let myself fall to the ground, suddenly completely exhausted. Everything went so ridiculously fast. Finnick is looking at me with a hard and accusing look in his eyes.

"What happened to me?" I ask, tears and disgust sounding through my voice.

The look in his eyes softens when he speaks. "I don't know. You weren't yourself. You just went on a rampage and we couldn't get through to you."

"Why?"

"Why you were like that? I assume it's the venom of the mutts. What else could it be? But your arm looks almost normal now."

I look down and see the bandage is loose, revealing the now normal colored flesh. Only the wound is still visible but it's not infected anymore.

"I don't understand. It doesn't hurt too. What happened outside?"

Finnick crashes on the bed and buries his face in a pillow before he lifts it again to speak. "I don't know who but someone bombed the children."

"Who were these children? Why were they here?"

He looks at me as if he can't believe I don't know the answer to that question. But I do know it, I just don't want to admit that Snow could actually use innocent children to protect his own life. But then again, the Hunger Games were basically the same.

"Where do you think they took Peeta?" I ask after some fifteen minutes of silence.

Finnick doesn't answer because he probably doesn't know. We're just stuck in a room in Snow's mansion, with no idea what is going on. It's quiet outside and it's dark. How long have we been in here?

The door barges open again, revealing the same big man who carried me here.

"Finnick Odair, you're free to go," the man says.

Finnick and I look at each other, at a loss for words because we still don't know what's happening.

"Go," the man repeats. "Johanna Mason, you're officially taken into prison for several war crimes."

"What?" Finnick and I shout at the same time, but the man isn't listening anymore. He grabs Finnick by his shirt and drags him along, leaving me alone in the room.

The key locking the door is the loudest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.


	15. Chapter 15

I have been sitting in this room for one day and a half by now, long enough for me to go back over the events fifty times. My thoughts are taking over my mind and body, constantly trying to figure out by who and why I am arrested. And for war crimes. What war crimes? A war is a war. People get hurt, people die. It's no one's and everyone's fault. So why lock up only one person and let someone else go? But then again, maybe I'm not the only person. I only know Finnick was free to go but what about Peeta? Where is he? And the rest of our squad. I don't even know who's alive and who died. Perhaps they all died and Snow won. That would make sense, to be locked up by Snow. It's not like it hasn't happened before.

Just when I'm about to spiral back into a string of flashbacks from my torture, voices at the door catch my attention.

"I already told you, you can't enter the room," a booming voice says.

"Well I don't care what you already told me, I want to go in, let me in," another, much younger voice protests.

I'm at the closed door at once. "Finnick?"

"Johanna? Can you hear me?"

"Yes!" I shout excitedly through the door.

"Oh finally! They won't let me in to see you."

"Why not?" I ask. I realize how desperate my tone is but I really want to see him. I'm going crazy in here and I need some answers so I hope Finnick has them.

"Well, because you're a prisoner and -… Get your hands off me!"

There's the sound of a struggle and a hard smack followed by an 'Ouch!' and then someone falling on the floor. And then, silence.

"Finnick? Damn it, Finnick?!" I yell, shaking the handle of the door in a desperate attempt to open it.

Finnick's breathing is heavy when he answers. "I'm allright. Ah shit, I'm bleeding. The guard's out though."

"Can you come in now? Do you have a key?"

"I don't but he should have one. Wait, give me a second… Maybe in his pockets… Ah found it!"

The key is pushed in the hole and the door swings open. I fling myself at Finnick as soon as he comes through the door.

"Careful. My lip's busted," he says in my hair.

"I don't care," I reply, still gripping him tightly. "I'm just glad to see you."

"Me too," he admits affectionately while hugging me back.

"So," I say once I've released him. "Tell me everything you know."

"You might want to sit down," he says.

I do as I'm told since I have no idea what to expect.

"I'm going to start from the beginning, when we got lost from the squad," Finnick begins.

I nod, urging him to go on.

"The heap of flesh we saw," he says with a mixture of disgust and guilt in his voice, "was Messalla."

I didn't really know him and am so used to death by now that this doesn't really affect me. The biggest shock was when we actually saw it, when it could still be anyone. But it's just someone who was in my squad, like someone from your hometown you never said anything to. So instead of feigning sadness, I just nod and say "Who else?"

"Leeg 1 died fighting those mutts that bit you next to a pod called the Meatgrinder," Finnick continues. I have an odd image in my head when Finnick mentions the meatgrinder. Like a metallic machine with lots of teeth. It feels so surreal that I have to keep myself from smirking at the picture of a robot animal in my head. "Homes and Castor were killed by the mutts. Cressida got badly hurt while walking down the streets, close to the mansion. The people were going crazy, pushing others, walking over others. It was chaos, I hear. She's in the hospital now. Pollux and Jackson are both fine, considering the fact that their friends and family died."

When Finnick is done talking, it takes me a while to react because I have to put faces and names together but I got the main idea: Boggs' sidekick is alive, the propo director is alive, and the avox is alive. So that means…

"Katniss and Gale?"

Finnick's face changes a bit when he starts speaking. "They both got hurt in the explosions. They were too close to the mansion when the parachutes landed. They're both at the hospital as well. It's pretty bad but they'll get through. But there's something else…"

"What?"

"Prim, Katniss' sister, died in the explosions. And Katniss knows the bombs were developed by Beetee and Gale. So Katniss is in a really bad place now, not just physically but mentally as well. She's blaming everyone and herself too. You know how she's like."

I remember Katniss' little sister. She was one of the few optimistic people I knew. I didn't know her that well but whenever I did speak to her, she was always very nice. I make a mental note to visit Katniss at the hospital, but then I remember I'm a prisoner now and can't go anywhere.

I'm suddenly confused. "Prim, how did she get here? I thought she was in 13?"

"She went to the Capitol to help treat the wounded."

The wounded. Images of dead children cross my mind and I swallow thickly.

"And where is Peeta?"

A small smile appears on Finnick's face. "He's fine. They're just checking up on him regularly to see if the venom is still affecting him. We have to share a room until it's all over."

"Until what is all over?" I ask, not really knowing what he's referring to.

"Snow's execution, your trial… Things like that."

"My trial?!" I exclaim, completely taken aback.

Arrested for a day or so, okay. But a trial, that means I could end up in jail. I'm finally free of Snow and now I have the possibility of ending up in prison!

Finnick must've seen the panic on my face because he puts his hand over mine and says it's going to be alright.

"They don't have anything on you. Maybe it's just a formality, to show everyone that the rebels made mistakes too," he says in a soft voice.

"Mistakes? What mistakes did I make that you didn't? Yes, I killed people but so did you. So did Peeta and Katniss and Gale!" I yell frantically.

"If you must know," The guard suddenly enters the room. "You killed too many innocent people. Twelve avoxes to be exact. They were unarmed and you killed them. Mercilessly."

I open my mouth to protest but I realize he's right. The realization is like receiving a punch in the face. killed twelve harmless avoxes. I was on an actual killing spree, not to be stopped by anyone. I was one of Snow's mutts myself.

I pull my hand out of Finnick's and tell both men to leave.

"Johanna, don't do this. Please, not now," Finnick pleads but I ignore him.

When I say something back, my voice sounds strangely flat. "I just became a Victor of my third Hunger Games."


	16. Chapter 16

I don't really pay much attention to the trial. I don't want to see the faces of everyone who's judging me, I don't want to hear the accusing tone of the judge, and I definitely don't want to hear Finnick and Peeta's desperate calls to help me. Katniss and Gale aren't here, either because they're not allowed to or because they just don't want to. It'll probably be the last reason, since they're both in a depression caused by the death of Prim.

"Johanna Mason, twenty-two year old female, former Victor of Panem -" an old, weary voice reads from his papers.

"She's _still_ a Victor!" Peeta's voice calls out.

The man continues as if nothing happened. "Former Victor of Panem, has been accused of serious war crimes and has therefore been -"

"She was poisoned! It was the poison that made her do it! She didn't want -" Finnick yells.

"Silence! She has therefore been sentenced to be in exile for the rest of her life."

I'm trying to not hear everything but the words are penetrating my ears. I still haven't moved or said a thing. I am just watching my arm. The wound is gone. In fact, judging by the tiny little scars, there was hardly any wound, just an excessive amount of blood and pain. Now, there are eight little dots on my arm, and that's it. They don't even look like scars and I doubt that someone who doesn't know I got bitten by a mutt would know they were scars. Suddenly, the words of the judge form meaning in my brain and I can't help but listen.

The judge continues to read from his papers. "She can choose one district to live in -"

"Four," I suddenly say.

The old judge looks up from his papers. "Pardon me, miss Mason?"

I look up and repeat myself in a toneless voice. "I choose District 4."

I move my gaze from my entangled hands to search for Finnick's face in the crowd.

A look of bafflement crosses his face right before relief takes over. I know why he's shocked. All I ever talked about in the Capitol was to go back home to District 7 and now I suddenly choose District 4, a place that basically consists of water and even though I tried I didn't succeed in overcoming my fear of water. Not completely. But no fear can force me to leave my best friend. Finnick was the first one to stay by my side, so I'm not leaving his just because I hate water.

"District 4," the judge repeats in slow motion, clearly not trusting my choice. "Very well then. Case closed."

"Hey, wow, case _not_ closed!" Finnick stands up. "If Johanna is tried because of war crimes, why isn't Coin?"

"You mean _president_ Coin, mister Odair?"

Finnick chooses to ignore him and continues his rant. "Apparently she was the one behind the bombing of the children. And since Johanna is being charged with war crimes because she killed twelve unarmed men and women, why isn't Coin? She killed a whole lot more than just twelve unarmed people! And they were _children_!"

I can see Finnick tensing up by the second and I know he's only getting himself in trouble. However, I don't stop him from saying what I've been wanting to say this whole trial.

"If she's killing innocent children then she's no better than Snow." He slams his fist on the wall beside him and walks out of the room, leaving everyone staring at him at a loss for words.

I look at Peeta, who is just as taken aback by Finnick's behavior as I am, and then look at the judge. I'm wondering if I should just go or if I have to stay. He did say the case was closed so maybe… But when Peeta gets up to leave I follow him outside. The two guards who have been around me for the past few days are at my side in a second, reminding me of the fact that I have to go to District 4 as soon as possible.

"You think I forgot?" I snap at them, then turn around to face Peeta. "Where do you think he went?"

Peeta shrugs. "I don't know." He suddenly looks uncomfortable. "I have the feeling we're all falling apart. I mean, Katniss is still pretty critical, Gale's out of the woods but having lost his best friend because of something he did made him depressed as hell, and then you being tried and now Finnick completely losing his usual calm. I don't know what to think of all this. It's like I'm the only one keeping it together and we both know I'm still not the same."

I touch his shoulder lightly. "Don't say that. We'll get through this, all of us. And you're doing much better now that you're seeing the head doctor again. And don't think about Katniss much. I'm sure she'll survive. She survives everything. And Gale, he'll just move on. That's who he is. We're all survivors here, don't forget that."

"Since when are you so coolheaded?" a voice comes from behind me.

I turn around to see a grinning Finnick. "Since you aren't anymore and one of us should be," I tell him.

"Fair enough," he nods. After a few moments of silence, he speaks again. "Let's just go home."

I shake my head. "What about Snow's execution? What about Peeta, and Katniss and Gale?"

"I just want it all to be over. I know it won't be over when we get back home but I just need some distance from it all."

I nod, understanding what he means. I look at Peeta. "What about you?"

"I'm staying," he immediately says. "For Katniss. I'm not leaving her."

A smile spread across my face and I pull him in for a hug. "Don't you worry about not being the same anymore. This new Peeta is just an improvement of the old Peeta."

Finnick and I say our goodbyes to Peeta and take a little detour to visit Katniss and Gale in the hospital, where we bump in to Haymitch as well.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, happy to see him.

"Waiting for Effie. The doctor's about to discharge her but they needed someone to pick her up and well, I'm her closest friend now since the others…" he trails off, knowing he doesn't need to finish the sentence.

"Well, we need to get going," Finnick says while shaking Haymitch's hand. "But tell her we said hi."

"If you all need anything, you know where to find us," I add. "But you'll have to come to District 4, since I'm not allowed to go to other districts."

Somehow it's very easy to speak of my punishment, probably because it's not so much of a punishment for me. We weren't allowed to visit other districts when Snow was president so not much is changing for me.

We leave Haymitch at the hospital and head for the train station, still followed by my two guards. As soon as we're on the train to 4, I tell Finnick to get some rest and eventually take my own advice.

When Finnick wakes me up – apparently he woke up a long time ago – we're already in district 4. _Home_.

Annie's waiting on the platform to welcome us, and as soon as she sees Finnick she throws her arms around his neck.

"I'm so happy to see you," she says in that soft voice of hers.

Then she moves to me and hugs me as well. "And you too, Johanna. I'm glad you're okay. Finnick called me from the Capitol a few hours ago, to tell me about the trial and you moving here. You can stay at our place if you want?"

One look at her face is all I need to see she's sincere about her offer, to let me stay in their house. I politely decline, telling her I need to find a place of my own as soon as possible. "Besides," I say with a grin on my face, "You basically just got married. You'll need some time alone."

"Thanks, Mason," Finnick says. "Now, let's show you around, shall we?"

Annie is all smiles when she says she'll pick out a house for me while Finnick shows me around town.

"Oh that's okay Annie," I quickly say. "I can pick out a house myself."

"No, no," she shakes her head. "I'm happy to help."

I realize she'll do it anyway, no matter how many times I tell her not to, so eventually I give in with a small 'Thank you'.

Finnick is one giant ball of enthusiasm when he shows me the town hall, the docks, the market and his favorite restaurant.

"Seriously, Jo, you'll love it here."

"So you've been telling me for the past hour," I reply with a smile.

"And now," he says in a dramatic voice when we arrive at the beach. "Time for you to meet new people."

The tour around town was nice, considering that I had to live here now and had to know where everything was, but meeting new people wasn't exactly high on my list of priorities.

"I don't want to meet new people now, Finnick!" I sigh.

"Yes, you do," he replies while dragging me across the beach to a group of fishermen on a boat. "The sooner you get settled in, the better you will feel about being here."

"But they're way too close to the water!"

Finnick promptly turns around and a worried look crosses his face. "Sorry," he apologizes. "Didn't think about that. Well, then I'll just call them over here."

He turns around and waves his hands in the air to attract the attention of the fishermen. Two older guys, one boy who looks about ten years old and one in his late twenties walk over to where Finnick and I are waiting for them.

"Guys," Finnick starts when they're standing in front of us. "This is Johanna Mason. She's my best friend so be nice to her."

I force myself to smile but judging by the little boy's scared face I fail miserably.

"Did you really kill all those people?" the little boy asks me.

I turn around to face Finnick. "Really? Such a great idea to make me meet new people. I can already feel the love," I say sarcastically.

Before I can turn around to walk away, someone else starts talking to me. "Nice to meet you," the guy in his twenties says while he grabs my hand to shake it.

"Yeah, nice to meet you too," I reply with a roll of my eyes.

The guy looks like Finnick on steroids and with longer blond hair. A long scar crosses his chest.

"Long story," he says when he sees me looking at the scar.

"No it's not," Finnick interrupts and then turns to me. "Ty here saved his grandfather a couple years ago. Got into an accident at sea and Ty had to jump in the water. The scar just proves that the sea and its creatures are deadlier than they look."

"Doesn't matter now," Ty says. "Grandpa died three months later of a heart attack. Got the scar for nothing. At least it looks badass. Anyway, we should get going. Lots of stuff to do."

The two older men, Ronn and Fabian, shake my hand as well before they go back to their boat. Suddenly, Ty turns around again. "Hopefully we'll see a bit more of you, Odair! It's been way too long, the sea misses you."

Finnick just waves and turns around to head back, swinging his arm around my shoulder.

"Let's go home now," he says. "Annie will have made us dinner. And her mother will be joining us as well. Be nice, you could use a motherly figure in your life."

I smile and nod. Yes, let's go home now.


	17. Chapter 17: Epilogue

"Johanna, he's here," a male voice calls from downstairs.

"I'll be there in a second," I shout back.

"He's coming," the voice replies.

"I said I'll be there in a second!"

"He's coming anyway," I hear, followed by thudding footsteps on the stairs.

The door to my room bursts open, revealing my eldest, now eighteen-year-old godson.

A smile spreads across my face. "Well don't you look dashing," I say. "You look more like your father every day."

"So I keep hearing you say," he answers, while hugging me. "Hi aunt Jo," he whispers in my hair.

"I guess you're here because your father is freaking out that we won't be there when the lovebirds from District 12 arrive, am I right?"

A grin on his tanned face answers that question for me. "You know dad."

"I sure do," I reply. "Tell him we'll be there on time."

"Actually, he said I had to wait for you. You know, to make sure you were actually going," he says, a bit uneasy-looking.

I roll my eyes. "He used to be more laid-back, your father. Now he's so uptight!"

"Unless he goes out with you, which is at least once every week," Aron chuckles.

"Yeah well we're still best friends, you know. It's not because we're old now that we should be boring," I say, putting on an extra layer of mascara.

"You're forty, not old!" Aron objects. "And besides, that dress does not say boring at all!"

"Aron Odair!" I say, playfully offended. "Are you checking out your godmother?"

"Bit hard not to when you're wearing that to a baby shower," he says. "But you look great."

"Thanks honey. Now zip me up please. I don't want my dress falling off in front of a baby. Although it would be hilarious to see the looks on Katniss and Peeta's faces."

"No wonder I turned out so mischievous, with a godmother like you," Aron says while closing the zip that runs from the top to the bottom of my short, black dress.

"The zipper's hot," Aron says once I'm all set.

I smack my hand against the back of his head. "That's enough. Didn't you have a girl? Or are you still too scared to talk to her?"

"Nah, we're good now."

I raise my eyebrows. "Seriously? Already? Good job, Odair! Is she coming today as well?"

He shakes his head in response. "Other plans. Anyway, we really should get going. Dad's probably losing his mind."

I nod, put my heels on and walk down the stairs.

"So, what do you think? Too sexy for a baby shower?" I ask once I'm standing in front of my husband.

Tyree looks up from the television screen with an expectant look on his face and is clearly not disappointed.

"That is some V-neck," he says, getting up from the couch and straightening his jacket. "But I'm not complaining."

"Of course you're not," I say, smiling. "Now let's go, Finnick is going to kill us."

I take the keys from the kitchen table and throw them at Tyree. "Lock up, will you."

"Yes honey," he replies in a so-called obedient voice.

Once we're in the car, I start thinking aloud why everyone wants me to be the godmother of their children.

"I mean, I'm Aron's godmother and Sammy's! Finnick sure has a lot of faith in my mothering skills. And apparently Katniss and Peeta have that same faith now, since they want me to be the godmother of their newborn," I clarify my thoughts.

"Maybe they just pity you, because you can't have any," Tyree offers, receiving a slap on his thigh from me in response.

"Ow! I was joking! And you know I don't care about that," he quickly defends himself. "Remember our first date, if you can call it that?"

"How could I forget," I say, rolling my eyes. "Never met anyone more blunt than you."

Tyree smiles. "Yeah, well, I just thought that laying every card on the table would be the best strategy to get to know each other. No pushing each other around and all that. We were adults."

"Adults," Aron coughs from the back.

"Tyree really was an adult back then. He completely took me off guard when he said he wanted to be either serious with me or not at all. And I just stood there," I explain to Aron.

"I was pretty romantic, wasn't I?" Tyree says.

"We're not really the romantic types, Ty," I say, giving him a grin.

"Can I just say that just because you're the total opposites of romantics, you're pretty romantic too?" Aron pipes in.

Tyree and I look at each other, thinking about what Aron just said. Tyree opens his mouth to say something but I beat him to it.

"Can we stop talking about romance? I hate romance. And besides, we're here."

Before I can open the door of the car, Finnick opens it for me.

"What took you so long?" he asks, a nervous look on his face.

"Calm down, Odair. Are they here yet?"

"Well, no, but…"

"See. No need to fuss."

I get out of the car and say hi to Annie and Sammy. Sammy, who is almost ten, looks strangely like his mother. Not just his external features like his light brown hair and soft expression but he has the same calmness she has. It's like everything around them is just always peaceful. They're basically the total opposites of Finnick and Aron, who can't seem to live without drama, excitement and constant laughter.

"They're coming," Annie's soft voice calls out, just loud enough for me to hear.

I turn around and see a black car driving up the parking lot next to the town hall. I suddenly get an excited flutter in my stomach at the thought of seeing my new godchild for the first time. I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl, Peeta wouldn't tell when he called me last week. He only said he 'would be delighted if I wanted to be the godmother' and I said 'Sure'. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hope it's a girl, since I'm already godmother to Finnick's two boys, but if it turns out to be a boy, I'll be equally happy. Maybe Tyree is right about having them as my kids instead of having some of my own.

When Katniss and Peeta step out of the car, a smile creeps upon my face. I haven't seen them in eighteen years, partly because I'm not allowed to leave the district and partly because Katniss was in a depression so deep I was afraid she'd never recover. Prim's death caused Katniss to lose a part of herself, the one person who depended on her. When Prim was gone and Panem was saved from Snow, Katniss didn't need to be strong anymore. The first time Peeta called me was when he was afraid she might hurt herself. And he called the week after that, and the week after that, even after Katniss got better. Katniss became my friend in district 13 because she was my roommate, but Peeta became my friend in the Capitol because it was a matter of life and death.

I walk towards the couple and hug both of them, Finnick mimicking my actions.

"Look at you two," I say, grinning, "all grown-up."

"Says the forty-year-old," Peeta replies with a smile.

"Ha-ha," I laugh sarcastically. "Peete, I'd like you to meet Tyree, my husband and personal fish provider."

The two men shake hands, smiling.

"So you're the one who finally tamed the wild Johanna Mason. I always knew she'd need someone twice her size," Peeta chuckles.

Tyree laughs. "That's me. And you're the one I have to thank for our monthly three digit phone bills."

Peeta bursts out in laughter and turns to Katniss, saying that Ty's alright for me.

"Okay, enough with the introducing and hugging and kissing," I say, clapping my hands in excitement. "Show me my newest godchild."

Katniss walks back to the car with a smile on her face, and when she finally turns back around, she's holding a baby in her left arm and her little girl Rose is tugging on her right.

When she places the baby – who is a boy – in my arms, I can't help but feel like the biggest softie in the world when I smile down at his chubby face.

"Well hello there, little guy," I say in a soft voice, still smiling.

Tyree, Finnick, Annie and the boys all gather around me to see the baby. I let them watch and coo for a moment but I don't hand him over to anyone and eventually I turn around to have some privacy with him.

"So you don't know me yet," I say when I'm seated on a bench just outside the town hall. "But you will get to know me pretty soon. We don't live in the same district but I'll talk to you on the phone. Would you like that?"

The baby makes a noise that I take as a yes. When I continue talking to him, I notice everyone has already gone inside.

I look at the baby's face and can't help but wish he'll grow up to be like Peeta. "You don't know much about your parents yet, but I can tell you this much: your mother is very, very brave and your father is the most kind-hearted man I've ever known." The baby looks at me as if he understands every word I'm saying. "And your sister, well, her godfather is Gale Hawthorne so I'm pretty sure she'll grow up to be just as badass as he is," I continue. "But you'll be better than the whole bunch put together, okay? Promise?" A smile. He promises.

Tyree's voice calls me back to the town hall, where drinks are being served and my best friends are all chatting away.

"So," I say once I handed the baby over to Peeta and I'm seated next to Katniss. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," she smiles. "I really am. I'm finally happy."

And I believe her. The girl who could never make up her mind, who always found something to try to fix, who always wanted to fight for something, has finally settled down. And with the guy who I thought was best for her.

"That's good," I reply with a smile. "And how's Gale?"

"He's good too," she nods, sipping from her drink. "He visits every six months, sends dozens of gifts for Rose, and apparently he has finally settled down himself."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "What? With who? Anyone we know?"

Katniss chuckles at my reaction. "No, we don't know her. But from what I hear, she's very sweet. I think a girl like her is exactly what Gale needs in the long run. Someone sweet, someone to protect."

I nod in agreement, fully understanding what she's trying to say.

Aron eventually joins Katniss and me and we chitchat a bit about everything until Peeta finally chokes on his drink in an enthusiastic hurry to say something.

"Oh shoot, my shirt," he curses while trying to clean his shirt soaked with champagne. "Never mind. I have some news!"

"You're having another baby," Finnick jokes.

"Heh, I don't think I can handle any more of Katniss' hormones," Peeta laughs. "No, Effie moved in next door!"

I watch the other's faces to see if they know what the true meaning behind his words is but as far as I can tell, they know as much as I do. Peeta sees the confusion and continues with a voice even more excited than before.

"She moved in with Haymitch!"

I almost spit my drink over Katniss and I clamp my hand over my mouth. "What?" I gulp.

"So they're together?" Finnick asks.

"Yes!" Peeta exclaims. "Well, at least that's what we think. I mean, why would she move in with Haymitch of all people, in District 12?"

Somehow I always knew Haymitch had a deep respect for Effie even though he hated her guts every now and then. And he was also the one waiting for her to get out of the hospital so in a way it makes sense that they would end up together. "Tell them I'm happy for them," I tell Katniss, who nods in response.

I hop off my barstool and walk towards the temporary bar – especially set up for the Katniss and Peeta's visit – to get another drink for me and Katniss.

"Two white wines, please," I ask the elderly bartender, not really paying attention to who he is.

A curt 'no' from him makes me look up. "Oh please, Aidan, give me a break," I say with a roll of my eyes. "I've been living here for eighteen years now."

"And I still don't like you," he replies.

"Ugh, now you're really breaking my heart. Then fetch me someone who will serve me my drinks," I say, equally frustrated as him.

It doesn't matter that the Hunger Games are something from the past now, some people will never get over their grudge. Aidan has hated me since day one, because I killed the District 4 tribute in my Hunger Games. No matter how nice I've been to him in my years as a District 4 citizen, he still thinks I'm a cold-blooded murderer. And maybe I still am, because I'm still me and I killed people before. It's not because it's in the past that it has disappeared. Yes, I have changed, the world has changed and Panem has changed. Coin stayed president for a year, before the was claimed unfit for the job and Paylor was voted president. So yes, things change but the past is what helps create the present so there's no use in denying it.

"Here you go, miss Mason," the other bartender says while handing me two glasses.

"Thanks," I reply.

We sit and drink and talk for a few more hours before Peeta says it's time to put the children to bed. They're staying in one of the houses in – what used to be – Victor's Village.

"I'm headed back home too," Tyree says when we're outside. "Got an early day tomorrow."

I nod. "Are you taking Annie and the boys home then?"

"Yeah. You're probably grabbing a drink with Finnick, right?"

"It's that time of the week again," I smile. "We need to catch up."

"On what?" Tyree asks, knowing very well Finnick and I can talk about anything at any time.

I just give him a quick kiss before saying goodbye to the others and walking towards Finnick. "Don't wait up," I call over my shoulder.

"Never do," I hear Tyree shout back. "Victors," he mutters to himself but still loud enough for me to hear.

"I heard that!"

"You were supposed to!"

I laugh and Finnick swings his arm casually over my shoulder before we walk off to our favorite bar. Life may not always turn out the way you thought it would, but that doesn't mean it's not great, or even better.


End file.
